Hi,
My mum was diagnosed with Stage iv metastic bowel cancer at the end of June. We know its terminal. But she has refused to be given any idea of how long she has but we are certain she wont make it to christmas.
We have dealt with it as well as we can. Even when chemo was removed as an option a few weeks ago. But shes not the same person she was.
My main issue is my husband and I just dont know how to tell our 7yr old daughter. Our older children (23 and 18) have been told and are dealing and coping in their own way and it was far easier telling them outright but the thought of breaking my wee girls heart is terrifying.
She is a VERY sensitive sould and still gets upset two years later over the loss of our dog to lymphoma, and was distraught when a child at school died in an accident.
I have informed the school that this year could be difficult and that at present we have not told our daughter about anything.
We know we have to tell her but I also dont want to mess it up. I also do not want her being with her gran when she is told either.
We have also decided that she probably wont see her gran again as I dont want her last memories of her gran being as a sick elderly old woman. I lost my own grandmother to bowel cancer 25 years ago and the last time I seen her still haunts me as it was not a pleasant experience so I want to avoid that for all my children.
So anyone have some guidance sage words? Ive read through the pamphlets but I still feel lost. Any help greatfully recieved.
Xx
Hi Lant025ef2
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
Sorry to hear about your mother and your gran but well done for talking to your older children. I know how difficult it can feel without a prognosis since my wife never wanted one and I really struggled with that as our son was really young at the time. With Janice's cancer though a prognosis would have been little more than an educated guess and now over 10 years down the line and living with cancer we seem to have been quite lucky.
One thing we always agreed on was being open with Michael, of course there were lots of things we did not know but we found the advice in talking to children and teenages quite helpful and the support of his school was very helpful so I am glad to see you have been talking to them. We also found the book the secret C by Julie Stokes was useful, sometimes the local library may have a copy.
One time Janice was talking with Michael and asked him if he was ok and he said "not really" - one thing we of course cannot do is protect them from real life.
<<hugs>>
Steve
