Younger brother diagnosed with Terminal pancreatic cancer

Hi and welcome to the community though so sorry to hear about your brother.

That "being strong" bit - so easy to say, but you know it hurts. So glad you found us, it is amazing how comforting it can be to talk/type to a complete stranger and here we do not judge.

If we look at Supporting a family member with cancer we can see how common our emotions are and there are tools we can learn that can help us. I needed support from a living with less stress course that really helped me and led me bit by bit to Macmillan who were kind enough to give me an opportunity to pass on the help I received.

It can be hard seeing other people's worries at times - the thought of then worrying about "trivia" can make us feel very lonely. It can be good to let out some of the emotions - come here as we understand and someone is always listening.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve, thank for your lovely response. It is very difficult going through something like this. It’s bringing out many emotions in me and I am struggling to deal with them all. The anger, hurt, sadness, loneliness the list is endless. What I fear the most is we haven’t even reached the harder parts yet as he is relatively fit and able at the moment still. I try to appreciate all the time we still have together but the fear of the unknown I guess it what is so hard to understand. I figured this was the best place for me to voice my feelings as to not put pressure on my loved ones who are also facing the same feelings. Also just a way to get it all out.  Appreciate your time. <<hugs>>. 

Hi, 

My heart goes out to you, your brother and everyone in your family effected by this terrible diagnosis. I have been in a similar position to you, my mam was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer with mets to the liver,in February 2018, she was 68. It is shattering news. 

It's a tough road ahead, all I can say is, make the most of every minute and don't let the cancer define who your brother is, he is still the same person. I was determined to help my mam live her life as normally as possible and didn't want the cancer to overshadow who she was. Of course day to day life will change due to treatment,  if that's what he has chosen, but don't let that take over. 

I was the strong one, " my rock " in mams words. Be kind to yourself  as its impossible to be strong for yourself and others all the time. 

With regards to supporting your brother, I can't stress enough how important nutrition is. Eating and appetite is a struggle with this disease  but it is vital. Masses of protein and calories. I hope your brother has been prescribed creons as these basically help to retain the nutrition from the food and make eating so much easier.

Mam also used honey, available from revital , its about £30 but her bloods were always spot on for chemo. Read up on it, can't remember the name but life miel rings a bell. 

From an emotional point of view, let him take the lead. Let him know he can talk about it if he wants to, if not that's fine too. 

From a medical point of view, anything that rings alarm bells , act upon it, ask questions and don't stop till you're satisfied.

Positive thoughts and actions plus lots of good food and the right pain relief go along way

I wish you all the best of luck. Cherish the time you have and be glad he is your brother. 

Hope this has helped. 

Best wishes

Clare 

Hi Clare. Thank you so much for your lovely response. Also so sorry for what you have been through it really is awful. I’m so grateful for you sharing your experiences with me. We all know there is others going through it all around the world  but it’s so different actually speaking to people who are or have been through it. It’s all very new to me so it can at times feel very lonely and as though you are the only one going through it. 

He has taken the option for chemotherapy as that’s all he’s able to have just to help slow the spread of it but he’s very hit and miss on it due to how he feels sometimes. The hardest part is his such young age and all the energy and life he had in him to watch him each day lose interest in everything and trying to keep him upbeat and get him just even out the house is so difficult. I’m so grateful for the time we have left together but it’s never enough is it. 

We have been through so much together and the fact I can’t ‘fix it’ is unbearable.

It’s that awful feeling everyday of when will things take a change for the worse isn’t it? 

I am keeping positive and everyday is a blessing, of course we’re all up and down but that’s part of it I guess. This platform is somewhere I can get my feelings out and then be able to face the people I love and need to support feeling stronger so thank you for allowing me to do that and having this conversation with me. 
I will absolutely take on board all you’ve said and keep going through it all . 

Best wishes.