What do I do?

FormerMember over 4 years ago

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I think I’m looking for an answer no-one probably has but I’m hoping you guys have some advice please.

My Dad is now on end of life care and will be returning home for the final time. I have come to terms with that and am happy to do whatever is required to support.
The difficulty I’m having is timeframes. A meeting at the hospital said 2 weeks and now the hospice are saying he isn’t going anywhere soon.
I live an hour and a half way and there are no other family members other than my Mum who obviously lives with Dad.

I’m a full time working Mum of a 1 year old and I can’t work out what sort of balance I need. If it’s going to be short term I can knock work on the head and do what I need, however I can’t do that for 6 weeks plus.

How do I work out what I do?

FormerMember over 4 years ago

Hello,

I am in a similar situation. My dad has finished all active treatments and is at end of life care. Approx 3 weeks ago he was told he has weeks to live. My situation is somewhat different as my dad lives alone without a partner and I am his only child therefore only carer. Although I have a partner I live with I don’t have a child so in that sense it is easier for me.

after the news that he only has a few weeks left, i tried to continue at work but 3 days in was struggling and not able to cope. Both emotionally and practically as I had moved in to stay with my dad. Thankfully, without me suggesting it my manager who has been extremely supportive told me If I needed to be off to be with my dad then I could. After a bit of discussion of what would work best for the service I work for we decided I would get a sick note from the GP. The GP was understanding and gave me a sick note for 6 weeks saying I could come back if I needed a longer one. They put carer strain on the sick note. I wonder whether this would be an option for you?

I want my dad here as long as possible as long as he still wants to be but yes time frames are difficult. Sometimes I get the impression from some professionals (I.e his GP) that they see people a lot more unwell and he is not there yet. Other times like this weekend he was admitted to hospital and I wondered whether he would die over night. I do feel incredibly guilty about taking the sick leave especially as I do not know when I can be back. When he is having a good day I wonder if I could have gone to work but then it is the unpredictability of cancer that makes it hard to commit to work meetings/appointments.

i would speak to work and explain the difficulties you will have over the coming weeks without thinking you have to have a solution or specific request. See what they say. Then as horrible as it is maybe agree some days that you can be available for your mum and dad as obviously you have your own family that you are part of and will need to get through this. I wish you luck.

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