Having a bad day

Jenny - we are quite close! Im Brockley. I also managed flats until mum was ill as well as our own business. Perhaps we cld meet up if you wanted to. Elenium, worried - sue i knew was in Coventry. Yantibee. Are you N s e or w x

Sue...would be interested to know how house clearance works. May have to clear a property too. Mum inherited from her aunt whom she nursed with cancer ..

Cat bites me monthly....it's a male cat or I'd say it's PMT. .

JX

We could...although I currently am booked up 24/7!!!! But at some point (even if just a coffee locally)

Jx

Why have I posted twice?

Hello everyone,

Sorry I didn't mean to worry anyone.  I've had a difficult couple of days. I had a terrible feeling that something was going to happen mum once I went back to work and I couldn't get to her. She's sleeping most of the time now and really struggles to wake up.  When she does she can't speak properly.  It's awful to see her like this.  I'm guessing it's the medication.  I suppose that the only good thing is that if she's sleeping she's not sitting there thinking about dying. 

I spent most of Wednesday night and Thursday crying.  I felt so bad for you maisiemae and kept thinking that will be me soon.  My good sister is here this weekend and it's helped but I feel like I have a big black cloud over my head.  I suffered from depression years ago - although mildly - and have had 'black cloud days' since then until about two years ago  It's come back with a vengence now. 

I feell like only me and my sister really care about what happens to mum.  I had a big heart to heart with my other sister at the weekend and thought that finally she gets it and then she let me down again.

I know I'm doing a 'woe is me' and I know that others have it worse, but I can't seem to get myself out of it. I am trying to.

I have been thinking of you all over the last couple of days.

Maisiemae I am in West Yorkshire on the outskirts of Bradford 

What a beautiful part of the country. Whenever you are feeling stronger and slightly adventuous. Come to London and my partner and I would love to meet you x

Elenium no apologies. A black cloud was bound to descend given what's going on anyway...although I understand depression is different to feeling low.

Whereabouts in the world do you live?

Sadly I think those who haven't already been to help never will. ..I've tried v hard with aunt.

A complete stranger from half way down the road to my parents posted a card with their mobile no.'s on it saying we can lend a hand...never met them to my knowledge.  They said they love my dad's paintings...thought that was kind.

Mum OK today but fed up being trapped in her room and  body that won't work. 

I'm at mine tonight. 

Hug Elenium. ..be nice to yourself. 

Jx

ZWoe is me is someone who is looking for pity. You have worked your arse off and simply expressing how you feel. You carry out the role of dedicated daughter unfailingly and still it doesnt feel enough. You strive for quality of life for your mum, her disease is making that increasingly difficult. Be kind to yourself, consider your gps offer to help. Hold good sisters hand ignore the rest. Fuck em. X

Had a long talk with my good sister tonight and feeling slightly better.  She feels exactly the same as me about everythiing, our poor mum, the home, our siblings, everything.  I'm so glad I have her and my husband and kids. And I'm so glad I have my dear friends on here. Thank you for your concern and kind words.

I live near Southend.

Sometimes strangers can be kinder than family.  The people I work with care more about me than my family.  Everyone of them messaged me at various times over the Christmas period asking how mum was and how I was.  Neither of my brothers have once asked how I am. My eldest sister has not been in touch since Tuesday.  She's read none of our messages and hasn't asked how mum is.  Well, as the saying goes, you can't choose your family...

I'm glad your mum's ok tonight Jenny.  How's dad?

Maisiemae thank you. How are you doing?

Sue and Yantibee, how are you both?

Hugs to all. X

Hello Elenium,

Do not apologise for your feelings. They are a testament of how strong you have been. if you have suffered from depression in the past it is know wonder it has reared it's ugly head again! Youhave been amazingly strong so far, and you will continue to be. Believe me, you will find the strength from somewhwhere.

Thoughts are with you.

Take care, Anneteresa