Having a bad day

Oh maisiemae, my dear friend.  I'm so sorry.  I wish I could come and hug you.  She is at peace now and the pain has gone. She will never leave you and will be in your heart forever.

Sending you much love and hugs. XXX

Always always remember the precious moments. 

Tears for you and your Mum.

Be careful getting home now....

I'll never forget you telling us about the salvation army playing Christmas carols.

Love.

Jx

Yantibee,

I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you. So many decisions to be made in the next few days. For us, we were a little bit of a zombie mode, just get through it, just get through the funeral. I am sorry I can't offer you any more comfort, but know you and your lovely family are in my thoughts.

Take care, Anneteresa

Oh maisiemae,

I am so sorry to hear this, I have followed your journey for a few weeks, and know how amazing you have been for your Mum, also how incredibly hard it has been. Rest assured you have nothing to regret, you did the best you could do. You are in my thoughts.

Take care, Anneteresa

The pain the pain in my head and heart. The snapshots in my mind - bad pictures. Mums handbag, her slippers. Her little funny quirks. Its gone, i cant remember the precious moments as its just a huge  collection of badness. I want to feel my face in her hands again. Only a mothers love can feel like that. All my detailed efforts seemed taken from me. My sister csme 11th hour and was with mum when she died as it was me doing the slave work, fetching mums husband. I missed mummy dying by a short time even though id been with her by her side the entire night. As i arrived at the hospital my sister announced she had called the entire family without me there. In my moment, she took something away from me... How dare she take over after being somewhat absent from the major or minor duties for the main battle. Today i will call the family and tell them my mother died, my way. It wont heal the pain but its a way of regaining something. I want to talk to mum about it. Its hard to feel anything other than sick. I feel so terribly alone. No breathing to listen out for. Mummy darling you are at peace and your suffering was immense, im sorry i couldnt make it all go away

Elenium - unbearable. My suggestion is to get recordings of voices. Im playing mums msgs from my mobile so i can hear her.  Ive lost my best friend, confidante, my reason to be x

Maisiemae how can you (we) find the good memories and see them too when we have seen our Mums go through this trauma. ..we have good memories from before disease; how to bring them back when we are bereft of their presence. 

You were doing the best thing for your Mum you could do no more. You were getting her husband when she went because you were doing your best then too... 

It seems their eventual peace is no peace for us. I hope with time this becomes bearable...others say it does..

All my love.

Jennyx

Anneteresa thank you , firstly I just cannot absorb what has happened to us with the passing of my love. I feel numb like I have been filled with anaesthetic drugs it's the strangest sensation, so many questions so many phone calls always the same "how are you ? How is everything?" Well in truth I am a wreck and everything is shattered. 

We were able to talk about things in the weeks before she died and things like who was to perform the service of thanksgiving for her life, the songs she wanted playing, the one hymn she wanted, even the colour of her coffin was discussed which in a way has made this part of the path easier to walk as I had her help and have been able to set into action those wishes. 

I have to somehow write a eulogy for the service which will be hard I know, how do I put 27 years of love friendship support trust loyalty and devotion into a few words? 

Went to collect death certificate yesterday and have to see registrar this afternoon which is all very painful, then we can have her prepared for viewing by ourselves and then family. Funeral not until 13th so a seemingly huge wait but I guess time of year,bank holidays etc all backs things up. Such a desperately sad time and I miss her so much so so much , I talk to her but don't hear her answers. Like maisiemae I have listened to a voicemail just to hear her sweet tone and hear her say "I love you" 

Thinking of you all in your struggle and despair x 

Oh maisiemai,

I am so sorry. You were doing what you have always done, the best for your mum. She will know this, her husband will know you did this for both of them.

I still feel odd, numb is the word I guess, doing what needs doing. Part of my brain just doesn't seem to be there, and so so tired.

Be at peace with yourself as your mum is at peace, no mother and daughter could have loved and cared for each other any stronger.

Big hug and love to you, you have been truly inspirational and wonderful and given me strength when I have read what you have endured and were enduring. I do believe that Happy and lovely Memories will return to replace the evil pain filled suffering disease ones just not sure when. 

Lesley x

Dear maisiemae