Having a bad day

Hello Jenny - strangely if there was noise i wld want it quiet. I feel, like the last 15 months there has been so much noise in the silence. Like watching Niagra Falls from the moon so you wouldnt hear it. Ivemademy world tiny whereas really im a gregarious colourful woman (Leo!) but theres been no room for any of that for self, the oil has been used in mums engine. She cant swallow the wet from the little lollies i made (Waitrose do a great Mexican Lime drink, i made into ice cubes with little cut pieces of straw) voila mini Blue Peter lollies. Im quite sure she has no idea im here. But my mother, if she floats tonight, is not leaving alone. Keep listening to old msgs on my phone 'hello my darling' that type of msg. Breaks my heart x

Hello yantibee,

I know that this will be an awful time for you, it could not be any diffferent. But it will get better. trust me,though it will take time.

Please feel proud of yourself, you did the best that you could do, your lovely wife died at home, surrounded by love.

When my Mum passed, my Dad went away for a few days, that is how he coped, could that be right for you? Whatever it takes, do what you need to do.

Take care, Anneteresa

Anneteresa, you think you are ready, you think it's going to be ok ,that you have said everything and it's time to let the suffering loved one go, which it was as she had fought so hard and for so long, she was tired and in truth she was gone a week or so ago but now she is physically not here in this room here with me I can't describe how lost and broken i feel . I know time will help heal the pain but all I want is time to go back. The sadness is like a thick blanket of fog on all the light that was in our lives. I never appreciated how hard this would hit me it's truly horrendous. 

Today I must now deal with the sad realities of what's happened to my beautiful wife, the GP for a death certificate then the registrar to register the death then find some clothes for my love to wear so she can be prepared for the family to view . Once again I have to go to the well of personal strength but I thinks it's dry! 

I just want her back

Tried to sleep and managed about 4 hours hoping she would visit me in my dreams but not this time , I hope today will be different and I see that smile and those beautiful eyes . So sad, broken-hearted and devastated 

Yantibee and Maisiemae. I had my suspicions that after they have passed it is worse although we don't want their suffering it isn't relief we feel just grief.  I hope and read from others that time helps but in the depths of this it seems impossible  even unwanted. 

Been up all night with mum.

Hug.

Jx

Dear yantibee

My heart goes out to you at this sad time, I wish that I could be there physically to do something for you, help with all the arrangements...... I expect that if that were possible, I would find the house full of people from this forum, you have such a host of loving friends here.

Try to feel us when you are down, we are here in the ether.....

Xxx

Niobe 

Dear yantibee ,

I'm so sorry to read that your Darling is gone. She is at peace. Words can't convey how sad this makes me to read.

All of us are on this awful one way treadmill. I say treadmill because that's how it felt to me before & after my Alan passed. One foot in front of the other with no destination in sight.

You cared for your Darling in the best way you could. Your children have a brilliant role model. You cared. You loved.

After Alan died I found much comfort just rereading all our ramblings & rants. 

Big Hugs

Sue xx

My mummy has gone - Maisie Mae. Detail too awful, she is released to be the Queen of Angels with the biggest fluffiest wings. Meanwhile Im at the hospital with her husband - im driving mums car and its broken down. I think she wantsme to calm down before we leave. Im devastated. Thankyou for being my constant confidantes x

Oh Maisiemae,

I'm so sorry to read this.

My arms & heart ache for you.

Sue xxx

My dear maisiemai,

I am so sorry, I wish we were there to look after you rather than you having to drive and look after your mums husband. Take a deep breath, she is still with you but peaceful and pain free.

Look after yourself, I know how exhausted you must be.

Much love and hugs.

Lesley xx

Dear maisiemae I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you 

Take care and know we are all with you as you were for me xx