Having a bad day

Please please yes right to die. ...make it right. ..

My Mum looked after my aunt until her very last days in the hospice. She knows what's ahead as we are learning...  why the hell can't we choose? You can't fly to Switzerland when this ill. We should be able to choose. I've read how it works. Let us CHOOSE. Have the same in th UK.

Sorry if I upset anyone.  

Maisiemae. ..virtual support is all I have....

Not enough.

Jx

maisiemae, you are not a coward.  You are doing all the right things.  It's a bloody nightmare, do not beat yourself up over this. I would do exactly the same as you.

After going through this with mum I completely agree about the right to die.  Everyone should be allowed to die with dignity and not like this.  My poor mum got so upset this morning.  The carers took over an hour to come and see to her this morning.  Her pad was soaking so she'd been lying in it for ages and it makes her sore.  I complained to carers.  Then when I went in the bathroom they hadn't cleaned the commode, there was stuff on the floor and the toilet hadn't been flushed.

Mum hates that she has come to this.  She such a clean and fastidious lady and to come to this is the worst possible nightmare for her.

You are all so right. We don't behave like this to our pets, but we have to watch beloved people suffer.

I get so angry when I hear the palliative care spokesmen saying that no one needs to suffer. Anyone reading this forum would argue with that!

All the self righteous who pontificate about how 'it would open the door to sick and elderly people being pressured into dying' have never had to stand by and see the people they love being kept alive without dignity or peace, when everyone knows that the end is inevitable.

surely we as a society can do better than this?

I think we have the perfect group of passionate people who know first hand what our loved ones may or may not have wanted /want. Whilst i look at my mummy and her condition and how she wanted to go before this stage and how this country wont allow right to die and there is still a suicide stigma. I think its courageous to make that decision rather than a weakness. Of course i equally respect those who would shudder at the thought. Once mum is released from the hell she is in - away from this site, i may well go to help the movement of choice in this Country. Desmond Tutu is an advocate of such a choice, many moons ago I used to go to his house for tea with my friend, his daughter. Maybe, given his fraility and his own battle i can support his voice on the matter. Although im no Archbishop, im a woman with some spunk when i get going!

Peace and love and choice xxx go well my mummy, i will do in her memory for the rights that our pets have for self

Maisiemai no way are you a coward. You have been and still are courageous and brave, so, so loving in the care of your mum. You have had to make decisions for the best for your mum, and that's what you have done now. She knows this.

Keep doing as you are doing, I know it's exhausting and so difficult to endure.

Much love and huge hug, I hope your mum is at peace soon.

Lesley x

Hi maisiemae, you ask how did I do it? I will never know I just did, my wife was young and full of strength and determination so in some way I must have used that force from her to give me the ability to carry her, her needs, the children and myself through but truly I will never know. 

All I can hope for you from my experience is that the end is as peaceful as can be, my lady didn't struggle and although the last hours were distressing for us due to the noises of her breathing I think she was as ok as she could have been. Earlier she had had a traumatic moment when totally agitated and in pain and for the first time in days had opened her eye and looked frightened of what was happening but that only lasted a short while thankfully so I wish your mum a peaceful goodbye, it is a shred of comfort for us that it seemed as gentle as could be. 

Feeling empty today, the caring is a full on job as you all know but this side of the fence it's very lonely, I miss her terribly and it's not been 24 hours and it's just getting worse by the minute, I have just got into bed for the 1st time properly in weeks and it's just awful, she is not here and won't be again, how do you go on? 

I took the boys and their girls out for some food earlier,sounds weird I know but firstly no food in house ! And second I wanted the 1st time I came back to the house to not be on my own I needed them there with me but coming back in sent my eyes full of tears as I looked at the empty hospital bed and once again it hit that she is gone 

I feel sad she is on her own in the chapel of rest at the funeral directors it don't seem right somehow. I miss her badly very badly 

47 years old we been together 27 years and I feel cheated , glad that we had that time filled with love happiness and the best relationship I could have wished for but cheated nonetheless 

My dear yantibee. Ive been thinking of you and how you must be feeling.im so pleased you are able to 'talk' here on how you feel. Your normal has been caring for your darling lady. I suspect you may have forgotten quite who yantibee is and what you like. Youve lost your soulmate, your routine, your everything but you have your boys and huge admiration and support here. We are the silent support. At some time you may feel you would like to hear a genuine voice of support and urge you to consider family bereavement support. Mums still alive but suspect how your darling wife was for 6 days. She is now unresponsive apart from i collected her husband and when he spoke close to her face she did a little blow kiss with her lips. To be honest ive never really liked him but he was so tender with her it was moving. I concede he really does love her. Im looking for phone msgs from mum so u can hear her voice and she is laying next to me. My loss feels inconsolable abd thats mum not my longterm life partner. Im rambling. The silence hurts. I dont like the radio, dont want music... But need to hear voices - i miss my deep communication with mama xxx

Yantibee the caring role has been 24/7 and arduous physically and emotionally.  You have done so much. Maisiemae as ever put it so well much better than me.  We lose ourselves a little in order to help/cope...all "normal" is on hold...

I'm glad you ate with your boys and their girls before your return.  I'm glad the final moments were peaceful. Please post anytime your thoughts and feelings.   You are not alone.

I am so very sad you have had to be here and say goodbye to your love.  An extraordinary thing to have had that love in your life.

I hope you manage some rest.

Jx

Maisiemae...the silence needs filling....but with what...maybe a memory of a conversation or a nice time with your Mum? Imagine yourself back there and how it felt... Sorry I'm rambling here with daft suggestions... ignore me...

Hateful disease taking away loved ones bit by bit. 

I hope your mum is peaceful. 

Love.

Jx