Having a bad day

Hello Jenny,

I am truly sorry to hear what you are going through, and with both parents. What an amazing lady you are! As I nursed my Mum at home you would think that was my dominant memory, but it wasn't. now 10 years later I have wonderful memories of my Mum, bring me such comfort, tho I will not deny it feels painful at times. so what i am saying, it will take a while.

Take care, Annteresa

Thanks Annteresa.

No sleep last night. Mum hurts. Dad anxious.

I have to get mum in to hospital to see consultant but no transport was booked as it's Christmas. Let alone get her downstairs first.

Hate it all.

Jx

Things may turn around again as have before but I'm getting near end of my capabilities caring as things are.

Appointment today impossible so rearrangingfor tomorrow with ambulance. 

Feel sick as awake all night.

Jx

Jenny i hit a wall too. For you its relentless. We are getting lots of help but i still seem to be busy organising and doing. My brother is there for 3 days,!!!! Faint but grateful. im home in my own bed. My eyeballs can breathe (its a lighting thang) but i already miss mummy mouse. Shes small now so she is my mummy mouse. Is it all a bad dream?. Is there anything anyone could do to help? Have you asked for continuing care? Here if needed x

Hi maisiemae. She does have continuing care at moment it's 1 hour a day.

I find the pain she has now moving to commode v distressing.  Hope they can sort her legs out tomorrow. ..or admit her...

Dad dialyses tomorrow but I'll have to go with mum.

I need sleep but it's not arrived yet...I know she may need help in the night.

Bet you miss that lightbulb glare.

Your mummy mouse is amazing lady. 

Feel sick and ache from stress.

I will miss my mum forever....irreplaceable creative bright eyed being wish it was me going instead of her...

Night all.

Jx

Jenny

1 hour surely more can be offered? Tell yr gp you need more help as its making you sick. Do you have MC or Macmillan night sits? Maybe its all about yr local NHS - we are 6 nights a week sits now. 3&3. Believe me i fought fof it but huge reluef for all. Sorry if youve tried and didnt get and this is annoying suggestion. Worried about you. Yr mum wldnt want you to get ill. It really is  wretched. Mum has fought so hard to live but now this part is torture for her aling with SEVERE constipation. Dudnt sleep last night in my own bed as not in control of mum. Im holding yr hand x

Can something be done re constipation? Not fair to have pain from that too. 

As mum and dad share room and I'm here guess it's been withheld.  How do they night sit if husband there too do you know?

I didn't sleep again as although mum did sleep I kept hearing noises and thinking it was her struggling to move to commode.

So as two nights no sleep sent sister with mum in ambulance to see consultant. Sister not happy as says I know more but my head pounding today and feel bit dizzy.

I hope they keep mum in to sort legs pain and breathlessness.  Legs so swollen and were meant to have gone down.

Jx

Mum home again. They said the cancer is making her legs swell. ..not sure I'm convinced as they were not swollen before she was filled with fluids.

No new advice re pain. Other than more morphine. I asked hospice and they had more practical advice. Saying small dose in morning so she's awake but can move a bit. Then larger dose at night.

Mum has two more weeks of chemo to try then that's it.

She asked me to put envelopes in her drawer with her will. One says funeral plans.  I'm guessing the others are to us. She told me not to look.

I'm at mine for the night to try to sleep.  My sister is there.

I feel loopy. Said bye to mum three times before I left.

Sometimes I find its whole thing hard to really believe. 

Jx

Its hard very hard. Night sits are downstairs and mum upstairs. They check her hourly. Mum has bell if she needs them. Soon think they will be with her. Im there too if they are there. You sweet lady are their daughter, please ask again for help. Mums very weepy and down and grieving the life she is leaving. Try and sleep. I cant either, i keep waking up in a gasp of anxiety xxx

Hi all,

wish there was something I could do to help you.  Struggling a bit at the moment.

Hugs to you all. X