Having a bad day

Sorry, I needed to get that all out. Feel a bit better now.

Jenny how is your mum now?  Did your aunt ring?  How are you doing?

Maisiemae, how are you and mum?

Sue, how are you doing?

Elenium,

I so get it.I am so sorry, just sending my heartfelt thoughts and understanding.

Take care, Anneteresa

Thank you Anneteresa.

How are you doing?  How's your dad?

Yes this stops both us and our loved ones from being ourselves.  Until late 2014 my mum was cycling swimming always out always had make up and lovely scarves brooches etc.  Now she can't lift her legs to get into bed.

I worked and had a social life until September 2015

I think I can best describe myself as traumatised and know there's more to come.

I want nice memories not these ones of her crying on the commode because her babies have to clean her up!  Dad  crying because he can't help her or me.

I just hope for a better day tomorrow. .I hope it every night.

I'll hate it when they're gone. .my life will never be the same, the world will be grey and flat.

....

Sorry  early morning ramblings seem in order...

Hope people out there not struggling too much. 

Jx

Yes elenium my aunt phoned yesterday ...she could've popped over too but had visited Christmas eve.I guess that's it for now no more visits even though she's 25 mins away...and on holiday. ..

Glad she phoned though.

A friend of mums who has difficulties walking visited and went upstairs to see mum with a new scarf for her...good distraction from waiting for on call doc. .

Jx

Dearest Elenium. hard! Weve started a gallery on mums bedroom door. Little cards and photos. Maybe each time you visit a little card to say something on it that you have been as a reminder/acknowledgement.  She will see as the door fills up how loved she is. Xxx

Maisiemae great idea!

Mum slept well last night.

Jx

Hi all,

I've been reading your posts this morning as I haven't had it in me to post myself.

It finally hit me yesterday that Alan's really gone. That I'll never have a birthday, Christmas or anything like that ever again. Do you know, he even used to buy me flowers for Mother's Day because my kids are in Canada? How sweet is that?!

The tears finally started flowing last night. But at the same time I'm angry with him for leaving me to sort out his crap. Then I get angry at myself for feeling sorry for myself! WTF???

I STILL don't even feel like I'm mourning my Mum who died in May of the same shitty disease. It's like it's too much to mourn them both together. She's the one I'd have been in touch with a lot when Alan was I'll. My friends have been fab, but they're not my Mum.

I feel so much sorrow for you all still fighting for you're loved ones. I wish I could clone myself & come & see all of you, make you a cuppa, give you a hug, or even empty a commode! Plus, bash all the unhelpful selfish relatives on the head with a big sack of dirty cat litter!! Of course, I'd make sure it had a slight hole in it so they'd get showered in it!! 

I hope this mental picture helps, I know how to has done for me where his family's concerned. Apart from Alan's brother & his son's widow not ONE of them even bothered to text Season's Greetings!! Bah Humbug to the lot of them!!

I hope your day is copable with.

Big Hugs to All

Sue

Xx

Shopgood Sue - nice to see you. Wonder why Alan left it all for you to sort. In a way he is still with you as you untangle the entanglement? He sounds like a man who very much loved you and wanted to please at every opportunity. Like you, everything that happens i talk to mum about - i have to stop giving her the detail though. I think im being selfish. Im not sure what im talking about! Mum asleep next to me. I love hearing her breath. Love and untanglement xxxx ps yes the picture helps x

Hello Elenium,

You are welcome. All of your stories so strike a chord with me, when i was going through it with my Mum, I cannot but help posting; bringing back happy/sad memories. I am not doing too bad, and Dad is doing ok at the moment. The radiation made him very poorly, but he is still dealing with symptoms of anal cancer, which don't seem to have improved. But we weren't told they would, so that is fair enough. The main thing is, he seems in good spirits, he didn't take on board the 'incurable' diagnosis, but I think that is probably for the better. So different from when i nursed my Mum, I have to rely on what others say and do, as I live 150miles away. I find that so hard, but I know he will get the best care. My sister and i visit regularly, and my brother has visited a couple of times, as well as the wider family. We are all doing our best, can do no more. Woops sorry i have gone on a bit. I wish you well.

Take care, Anneteresa