Having a bad day

Havefaith that's hilarious! 

Am up again...

Mum sleeping Dad fidgety. 

Going to snooze.

Jx

Me too!

Hi all,

Mum finally had her xray, had wrist put in plaster and admitted to ward in the space of half an hour - couldn't tell you what time though as lost all track.  As we got there another patient was shouting at the nurses and trying to kick them - lovely.  The nurses calmed her down and then another woman came in and started having a go at everyone who would listen.  She kept saying she wasn't staying in, the bed was too soft, the chair was uncomfortable, she's dying, the doctor told her to come in urgently and now she'd been waiting 6 hours, she only likes filter coffee...  It went on and on and on.  Then she kept swearing and shouting.  She was so aggressive.  The nurses kept apologising.  Then the other one joined in with her shouting and screaming.  It was a nightmare.  My sister (eldest) actually broke down crying.  She was sobbing because she was so scared that this horrible woman was going to hurt mum when we weren't there. I have never ever seen her like that.  She then pulled herself together and said "I can't do this, I'm the strong one, I need to keep it together" That actually explains quite a lot.  She must think that because she's the eldest she needs to keep it together for all of us.  I told her that she doesn't need to be the strong one and she can cry as much as she needs to.  Anyway they moved mum to another ward.  

Mum was hallucinating and was so out of it.  It was really scary.

Anyway am at the hospital with mum and she's like her old self, except with a wrist in plaster and can't get out of bed because her back hurts from the fall.  She's sleeping at the moment.

I asked the palliative care nurse about mum going in somewhere for respite for a few days.  She's managed to sort something out in a really nice nursing home near to where we live.  I'd love to keep mum at home but I can't be there with her 24 hours a day and I know that the others won't come and stay nights.  If I could I would give up work and be with her but I can't.  I spoke to mum about it and she immediately said yes and then said that if she likes it she'll stay there.  I couldn't believe it!  Mum has always said she wanted to stay at home.  I think having the fall really scared her and she knows that I can't stay with her every night. So I am feeling much happier about it all.  This way I can just be with mum when I visit and not be having to rush around and clean, etc.  I can also pop in all the time because it's really near to home.

I've managed to read all the posts, thank you to everyone asking about mum. 

Hugs to all.  XXX

Jenny, 

How are your mum and dad?  How are you?

Mum was saying some really weird things last night and kept trying to drink from a cup that wasn't there.  It would have been funny if I wasn't so worried about her.

I'll be your sister maisiemae.  I could always do with more.  :-)  I'm a bit of a control freak but would always be there for you.

Hope you're OK and mum not too bad.

I'm just sitting here thinking about my family and I realise that although I pretty much hate them all (Not helpful sister) at the moment I don't want to not have a family at the end of this horrendous journey.  If my mum stays in the nursing home it will be the best for all of us.  I don't think my relationship with my brothers, sister and brother in law wlll ever be the same again but perhaps over time I can forgive them and we can be a family again.  

Oh Elenium I hope she likes the home I think it would be better. Wish my Mum wanted that.

For the same reason as you I couldn't leave Mum til she was on the ward. Man was swearing drunks were arriving...and mum kept  forgetting what drugs she has.

Once your Mum's infection under control she'll make  a bit more sense.  Both our mums fell then had infections. ..or the other way around. ? Mum had no break but her pelvis was bruised. I hope nursing home is great. 

Mum is OK but can't walk and feet v swollen so stuck in her room.  She still shakes a lot but can hold a fork now. Constant diarrhoea. ..

I've gone to mine for the night as sister there but checking in a lot.

Feel so sick now having read the letter saying mum signed the DNAR. she hasn't told me herself and it's not in her carers folder..so is it just relating to that hospital.  Read up about its meaning..it's just no CPR as it wouldn't work for her other treatments continue. 

Mum spoke to macmillan nurse a lot during her stay...

Glad my sister there today as after so many long hospital visits and then last night getting mum upstairs was v frightening. ..I think adrenaline making me extra tired.

Back there tomorrow of earlier if anything bad happens.

Hopefully your Mum will be hydrated and infection being treated next time you visit.

Hug.

Jx

Re sisterhood, we are already! Im shortlisting for future additions . Mum taken a bad downwards trend, pain very difficult to control now, the cancer in her bones is now causinf very bad pain but with liaising with nurses (im home for 3 days), she is at the monent flying high with 2 injections. The hospital bed we are awaiting. I could vomit at the fear still of losing her, she is the most incredible woman who i love so much and actually more each day. How is that possible. Its hard not to be with her for 3 days but work and my own health have to be considered a bit Mum has promised she will try not to die in these 3 days im away. How will i even manage to breathe after she has gone. How can i ever fill the void she will leave in my heart and life. Those who have not stepped up as they should have lost out. My niece has cut me out as she feels im expecting too much of my sister, her mother. Hello, 3 weeks ago one night 2 days and now she has her grand daughter and wont have unpaid leave... Ive given up three clients, employed an extra person and done very little socially for a year. She can afford to take off a week unpaid. She afforded 2 years voluntary services in Papua New Guinea helping others, but not, her own mother well not enough. Mums not complaining but i am!!

Jenny,

The paramedics asked us yesterday about a DNR.  I told them that mum wouldn't talk about it.  He said that if it came to it the hospital would probably take it out of our hands anyway.  To be honest if it came to it I would probably agree (got mum's power of attorney) because as much as I don't want her to go seeing her existing (and that's what it is, not living) like this is the most horrendous thing I have ever witnessed.  I know that when she dies (have forced myself to say that and not some euphemism) it will almost kill me but how can I want to keep her here in this pain? The only person it would help would me and that's not fair.

Mum is much better now.  She's been wide awake all afternoon and we've been chatting and having a laugh. This is the best she's been for weeks.  Still a lot of pain but I think knowing that there is always someone to help her is making her feel better.

Brother messaged to say that he would come and visit mum at the hospital tomorrow - I should bloody think so as it's his day anyway.  Just said OK though.

Hopefully nothing bad will happen overnight so you can get some rest.

Hugs. X

Maisiemae,

Sod the crappy relatives.  You are fabulous, your mum knows it and that's all that matters.  You will cope after she's gone because we will all be here to help you.  I have no idea what happens to us all when we die but it would be nice to think that our mum's (and Alan) will meet up and become friends as we have. Hmm, sorry that's a bit soppy - not like me at all...

Never forget that you have done everything you can for your mum and she knows it.  Forget the rest of them. Unfortunately, you cannot change them.  Let them get on with whatever it is they do or don't do and focus on your mum.

When one of my siblings does something I allow myself 10 minutes rant then I just put it to one side and try not to think about it again.  Easier said than done, I know, and it has taken me some time to get to this point but you have to try or else you'll go mad.

Hugs. X