Having a bad day

hello sue - lovely to hear your written voice.  im not sure i know all your journey other than near the end wwhen your man was so so poorly and rather stubborn at times is the sense i got.  im wondering if you are having to sort his affairs out alone, i do hope you are getting some support if you want it although know alans children have been tricky. funnily enough my brother lives in coventry with his crazy girlfriend now ex but probably tomorrow back together.  chaos.  christmas with kitties sounds just lovely. simples.  we ladies can go on a rampage with whatever we can have to hand and Tena everyone who hasnt been supportive enough!  mum and i had words this evening, she shouted at me, i was mortified, she then asked for a hug but for the first time ever i just couldnt do it, i was so shocked the way she spoke to me, new carer arrived, male and early, her husband hadnt wanted her to have a male carer, and he was early and and and and so i showed in the downstairs loo, tea etc and his folder so he could read her care plan, whilst i settled mums husband then bang bang bang upstairs and it was mum being very angry that she was being ignored - ive barely left her side for the last 16 months, but i guess she was feeling frustrated, i understand that, but i blurted out i cant stand her husband as he is so thick, blah blah but we have gone to bed having hugged and she told me she was holding on for me, i was the only thing keeping her going... so much emotion, i can deal with that but her husband is doing my head in, he misses everything, he is so thick, never been any different but they love each other so ive accepted it, none of my business but now im staying here a lot i have to care for him too, he makes me listen to him, he talks rubbish, he is a selfish selfish man.  not sure where all this is coming from, as i said earlier today, bit worried about my current mental health. i feel so trapped. not meaning to be selfish, but no time for self, and my siblings havent even phoned this weekend.  SUE, I ONLY REALLY MEANT TO RESPOND AND wish you a nice kittie snuggle x MENTAL NOTE - MENOPAUSE

Maisiemae...your ramblings 'sound' like by brain....akin to a hamster in a wheel.  I do worry about my mental health too.  This whole situation is all consuming as is yours.

Glad you hugged...

Male carer OK?  Mum's was...it's a bit embarrassing and awkward but he was nice.

Sue''s Christmas sounds perfect to me.....

Wish I could curl up in dark place and BE LEFT ALONE...

No poo yet tonight....

Jx

Meant my not by!

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all be together at Christmas with our parents and not have to worry about anyone else?  We'd all support each other and look after all the parents and probably have a nice time. 

My brother still hasn't replied.  Don't know what other brother and sister are doing. Don't really care.  Me and helpful sister will be with mum on Christmas day - as we are usually - and that's all I care about.

Mum had a bit of a funny turn last night.  When she got up she was very unsteady on her feet and I had to hold her up.  She was all over the place.  I was so worried and begged her to use the commode in the night but she point blank refused.  I told her to stop being so stubborn and she refused to talk about it anymore. Then when she came out of the bathroom she was completely back to normal.  She told me to go home and she would ring if she needed me.  She's a quiet, timid seeming woman with a rod of iron through her.  I love her so much.

Sue, I'm sorry you're struggling sorting out Alan's stuff. Your Christmas day plan sounds wonderful to me.  Maisiemae and Jenny, I completely understand the whirring thoughts and worrying about your mental health but you are both amazing women.  Look at what you've been through so far and coped.  You will still cope, you will be there for your parents because that's how it is.  We can all fall apart together later.  Perhaps we can all have adjoining padded cells?

On my way to work, feel crap and very tired.

Hugs to all.  X

Good luck at work today.

Think everyone slept last night! About to check on them now.

Think you and helpful sis best anyway. If others show up then great for your mum but she has you two to rely on.

Funny turn a worry. Mum was like that with anaemia and pain.  Bit if OK after toilet maybe it was build up of something.    I remember pre dialysis dad had a lot of this due to toxins as kidneys not working well... just a thought.   Trouble is when hey get a new symptom it's so worrying... I always think it's cancer first but it isn't always.

Your Mum is so determined. 

Going to go face the commode now.

Have a good day.

Jx

Excellent news, joy. A ray of light at last!

X

Maisiemae,

Don't worry about the ramblings. We're all in the same boat!! Even though my journey is a bit ahead of the 3 of you I'm having the same problem. I also remember when Alan was first home from hospital he got angry with me & called me an Fu****g Moron!! It felt like he'd physically slapped me!! He did apologise, but some of that pain lingers still.  

Alan's brother has been the only helpful one in the family. He's sorting out the cars & is going to arrange a clearance company when I've had enough up there. 

This morning I've spent my time on the phone to various utilities, credit card companies etc. It's difficult when you have to say the same thing over & over. The poor young lady at Severn Trent Water lost her Grandad last week & she said she understood all the things that have to be sorted out. She went back to work the day after, & lasted one phone call before she had to go home in tears. 

I've actually taken the condolence cards down today. I'll tie them in some ribbon & put them in one of my keepsake boxes. More Christmas cards arrived today but I'm still not sure I'm going to put them up yet.

Menopause?? Aarrgghh!!! I haven't had a period for 14 years, but I still get the spots, hot flushes & did I mention the mood swings??? Plus the mind acting like a sieve!! As I have (kind of with help from Miss Clairol, other brands available,) fair hair I can have Senior Blonde moments! I LOVE IT!! 

We definitely NEED to meet up one day! Maisie, wouldn't it be weird if I knew your brother :-o 

I'm actually going to have a quiet afternoon now I've done the phone stuff. I might even catch up on fb. It's my Daughter in Laws birthday today so I'll send greetings on there. 

May your Commodes always be fresh & the Tenalady you fling be soggy!! 

Sue xx

First day back on full hours.  It was fine especially because a friend took me out for lunch.  His wife died of cancer two years ago so he gets it.

Spoke to mum this morning and she was OK.  Said she was going to get up today.  I'm not back round hers until Wednesday and I miss her terribly.

Thanks goodness you've got some help Sue, sounds like you need it.

People keep giving me Christmas cards and I still haven't bought any.  I just can't do it.  One of my husband's family keeps texting me to see what my children want for Christmas but I keep forgetting to reply.  Got another one today (that's about 5 now) I wanted to tell her to leave me alone as I've got more important things to worry about but I didn't.

The doctor told me a couple of months ago that I'm now going through the peri menopause as I'm at that age - yeah thanks for that - so I too get hot flushes.  I do find that menopace tablets help enormously.

Sue, my helpful sister lives up your way.  Her local hospital is Coventry. Her husband was in there last year with testicular cancer.  (He's ok - tumours are shrinking) Small world!

Hope you are all ok.

Hugs to you all. X

Elenium, if the menopace stops working & you can't/don't want to go down the HRT route ask your GP about CLONIDINE. I can't have HRT but that helps/stops the hot flushes. 

Isn't it strange how complete strangers a couple of months ago are becoming such lovely friends? I suppose we could say that if this awful disease, which I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy, could have a silver lining, it's that we've developed this amazing bond. 

Hugs to all

Sue xx

Thanks Sue.  I have made a note of that.  Got a memory like a sieve and if I don't write it down it disappears.

You're right about the silver lining, although obviously wish we could have met under better circumstances.

You are all wonderful and I couldn't have got this far without you.

Hugs. X