Having a bad day

Elenium glad you had your evening carers sound great.

Maisiemae your mum's neighbour sounds mentally ill! !

I've just been cleaning poo off carpet poor mum it's everywhere AGAIN..she's upset but it's not her fault.

Think mums carers from hospice are a new venture too between hospice Wandsworth council and marie curie.  We were told it's reviewed after 3 months.  Hope they can continue as showering her on my own now is scary.

I'm exhausted. 

My aunt not phoned AGAIN. 

JX

Mum can't get on with hospital  bed. Is getting bedsores anyway so wants it gone and old bed back in.

It's 1 am. House smells of dettol. Hope mum and dad sleep now. 

Jx

Your poor mum Jenny.  It's horrible for them isn't it?  Mum is now unable to hold her wee when she gets up.  I really feel for her.  It's all so bloody undignified.  It's not right that they have to go through all this. 

Sorry about your aunt.

Was talking to mum about Christmas.  My brother's day with mum is Mondays and the way he was talking was like he wasn't planning on being with her all day on boxing day - which is a Monday.  Not sure if he's just not realised or he thinks that I'm going to be there so he doesn't have to be. We normally alternate at Christmas.  So if I'm with mum on Christmas day we go to mother in law on boxing day and this year we're with mum on Christmas day. Obviously I will visit mum but jut for a couple of hours in the morning.  I've messaged my brother and he read it at 7pm but still no answer...  I wish my brothers and sister would just bloody communicate!

Hugs to all.

Hope he replies today Elenium. 

Yes very undignified. Mum and Dad both laying there while i grovel on floor washing carpet. It was v fluid so travelled a lot. Mum wanted to clear it up but couldn't.   Felt v cruel as had to leave her on commode til I got stuff to wash her feet before she attempted to move.  

Mum hadn't got incontinence knickers on due to bedsore. ..told not to wear to let it heal. They're back on now.

They're both up now. I'm  very very tired and bleachy. Bit of a headache. 

Jx

Mum's friend's son just texted (has my no. via his Mum) said his Mum is on holiday but can he help at all with anything.

I don't know him AT ALL how kind is that.  Made me cry.  

I'm not religious. .he and his Mum are.  They are the best example of faith. ..not the war mongering money grabbing posturing judgemental church but very kind generous people. Who don't preach. Just text do I need anything and am I OK? 

My aunt has not texted or phoned or popped around without my bullying.  She had 4 cars....one must work. (Angry).

Sorry v tired bit rambly. 

Jx

Oh jenny. You are an amazing woman. Im not religious but somehow didnt the universe make sure your folks had the right daughter. As for people who cant or wont reach out... Sometimes i wish i cld turn a blind eye but im made of different stuff, cant find the blind eye to turn! What a wonderful mums friends son. Now, lovely Jenny, what will you respond? 'Thankyou for yr lovely text, i cried with yr kindness, could you bring the sunday papers and have a tea with mum so i can have a bath'.   Xxxxx

Funnily enough i guilted and manipulated mums sister to visit mum. Why doesnt she call my mum daily!!?? Its barely weekly. Ive manipulated a few people to reach out to mum. Not for my gain although i love to see her face. Facebooked my sisters ex new wife in Oz to call mum (mums inclusive and wont lose contact with exs or exs children as she feels they are still family...). Elenium. Yr brother needs a wake up call and a verbal shin kick! Xxx

I said not at moment but next week Dad could do with lift to hospital for an extra appointment he has.

..given my aunt with 4 cars can't do it ...

My head going bang.

Excellent new carer today did bins too ...and loves the cat who v rudely shunned her...

Mum's really bad today.  Hasn't got out of bed.  Lots of pain.  Completely incontinent (wee) now.  She's didn't sleep all night. She looks terrible, so frail and old.  Even her voice is weak.  I've messaged brothers and sisters and although read (not sister who has colonoscopy today) had no replies.  Constantly on the verge of tears.  Mum asked asked if I thought it was the potassium that was making her incontinent.  I said no but couldn't bring myself to say it's probably the cancer.  Really worried about my sister too.  Shitty day!

Oh Elenium. Did think of your sister earlier. Is it you or mum on verge of tears all the time or both? Wish i could help. For me, im questioning my own mental health today. Im normally a pretty measured person who rarely loses my temper. Ive a rage in me that is hard to contain recently. Biatch next door took photo of my note (she chose to do this in front of me as i gave other neighbour mums dead dogs things) telling people not to park near her drive. She is a hateful person but im worse as i wanted to launch myself at her and pummel her. Of course i didnt even look at her but im really worried about losing my sanity and im projecting my fury at the right people but the hatred in me feels quite awful. I want to weep in someones arms but bless her she is asleep and waiflike now. I dont wish her gone. I just wish for an end to this mental and emotional torture which when im not doing im like an caged animal. Call from brother 'i migbt try and be at mums tuesday' might try!!!??? Wtf. Arghh why is it me who employs someone at significant cost ti help at work, when at work i do 14 hour work days to enable me to be with mum, he is now out of work, with miney, and he will only try.... Radio silence from sister as ive asked one of them to be here next weekend.... Oh i need a sob. If any good anyone can join me x