Having a bad day

How lovely of the cottage lady to let you stay. Lucky chicken to have her as an owner. 

How do we know..about the end? not a clue?. Last weekend I thought mum was deteriorating rapidly couldn't walk more than two paces and shaking constantly and then she fell and couldn't get up.  She's a bit better since Thursday. ..

I don't know if I'd feel less or more panicky if I knew where she was  on this path.

I suppose drinking and eating a bit may be good.  It's nice she is sleeping. ...and you are there.  

Sorry it's so vile. Hate this thing how dare it do this...

Try to breathe and drink too even if just sips.

Jx

Oh to fall asleep not worried. Im in little room next to mums. Im so tired, she cant get comfortable. Im here to tweak pillows, empty wee bags, help with commode (first time today for me). Im feeling overwhelmed by it all and very alone. Where are my siblings - how can they put anything before our duty to mum - will never fathom it out - night all x

Hope you got a bit of sleep. 

Commodes are a joy aren't they. Tip...put a bit of liquid in bottom of them once clean; it helps with ejecting the "solids"down loo without force  (and therefore less splashback) also keep mouth closed .

Mum grumpy this morning "too many tablets".

I'd relish a lay in.

As to your siblings they should be there awful as it is for you it's their loss. Talking of which my aunt promised to come last weekend and hasn't then said she'd phone yesterday and didn't.  Told my sister she'd come this weekend. ..nothing yet... she was closest to my mum and lives 20 minutes away. Last time she came her partner said she cried a lot....AND YOUR POINT IS?!!!!

How are things this morning?

Elenium and Sue too?

Jx

Jenny - ive now understood we are the middle children, ones who cant turn a blind eye, want balance and equalness, we are the middle of a seesaw. If on this site and 'by chance' found each other there is a kindred spirit and sadly in similarish timelines ie not just got the news category. I read some 'just got news' posts and remember it so well. So feel for people in that stage and have reached out a bit. People can sit back as WE are allowing them to and pick up others slack. My brain isnt wired to fall short of my responsibilies as a human. My sister hasnt spent a single night overnight with mum in 35 years, hello, mayve now is the time!! I had to cajole mums sister to visit - accept she is 82 but it meant the world to mum, i ask them to call mum, im the ringleader. Salvation Army (mums church of choice) are coming to play carols outside mums house for her, i need to write to the neighbours to ask them not to complain (rough biatch two doors away may shout at them)... I hope i dont flip if she does, im going to refer to her as Brillo although nothing brilliant about her, rough and angry woman and she is a carer as a job. Mum slept after 2nd (v handsone) gp visited and gave injection. Mums face is contorted as she sleeps. jenny, gently cajole the scared family into making contact, they dobt know what to say/do

Xxxx

Salvation Army wonderful. ...I am not religious but see how much they do.them and the volunteers at the hospice...extraordinary people in the truest sense of the word. Carols will be beautiful. 

Agree with your words Maisemae. Re family.  I end up being bullying and unpopular. ..I am not normally forceful but it's needed. Will message aunt now...do not want the I "might" pass by response. 

Ps tried kind cajoling. ..no good....shock tactics now...aunt in denial...

The just got news stages are shock filled...if we knew then what follows we might find a way out of shock and in to enjoying easier days...

Poo everywhere now...always happens when carer not here...

Gloves  bleach  ...

Breakfast anyone?

Maisiemae you're great at writing expressively.

Jx

I hope your mum enjoys the Christmas carols maisiemae.

Thanks for the tip about the commode Jenny - I'll have to remember that for when mum finally agrees to use it.

I've put something on family WhatsApp telling them all that mum's worried that everyone will stop coming now that we have the carers coming in so can they all reassure her.  I've asked my eldest sister specifically to speak to mum about when she will/won't be coming.  So we'll see what happens.

Mum's got lots of pain today but seems to be sleeping a lot.

Can't concentrate on anything today.

Thinking of you all and sending hugs. X

Oh yes thanks Jenny re commode tip, i was shaking it vigorously last night and thinking there must be an easier way to move the stubborn poop, wondered if there was a non stick pan?X

My aunt is here!!

Jx

Yay!  That's good Jenny.  :-)

Hello My lovely caring friends,

It's now been 8 days, & I still feel in a fog, with treacle grabbing at my feet. I want to keep in touch with you all, but it's like my heart is selfish, & hasn't any room for anyone else. Which makes me feel awful. You & your Mums deserve so much more.

I think I've used the fuck & wanker words more times in the past week than in the past 6 months!! 

"Caring" son hasn't even had the decency to apologise!! One good bit of news though, Alan's brother has offered to administer the estate so I don't have to worry, or pay solicitors fees. 

The funeral is all booked. It's on Friday this week. No service, no get together. Just Alan being cremated. I can go to the Crematorium if I wish, just to say a final goodbye. If the caring sharing family want to do something, good luck to them!! They weren't there when we needed them, so I think it's guilt kicking in! As well it should!! 

I went into town today for the first time in 6 or 7 weeks. I shouldn't have bothered, my heart really wasn't in it. The thought of wandering around busy shops, all playing Christmas music, was more than I could bear. In my "normal" life I used to make retail therapy an Olympic sport!! 

I guess I'm feeling a tad sorry for myself. 

I SO wish I could help all 3 of you in some way, but I know I wouldn't be much help at the moment. 

Hang in there my Friends, I care & worry about you all.

I may not be in touch till after Friday, but please don't fret. And please don't think I'm ignoring you.

Sue xx