Having a bad day

Had quite a distressing conversation with mum this morning about carers coming.  They start today.  She's not very happy about it.  I ended up crying in front of her - managed to not do that before.  She said she didn't want to upset me.  I told her that it wasn't her fault, it's just that I want to do everything I can for her to make sure she's ok.  If I could I'd be there everyday but I'm so tired and this will help.  She's not very happy about the carers but she's accepted it.  I spoke to her about the commode too - thought might as well do it all in one hit.  She seemed to feel a bit better about it when I said that the carers would empty it and not us.

Gave mum a big hug and got one back.  She stroked my hair, it felt so good. 

Aww i cried when i read this. Totally understand. A tough but tender moment. Mum and i always talk about 'the elephant in the room' - x

How did day 1 go with carers and mum? 

Am sure your mum will appreciate them in time especially the commode emptying.

Mum says no to everything initially. 

Saw in her folder today there are notes on caring for the dying patient. It shocked me.  Even though I know. She's my mum she's not a dying patient.  Nobody else seen that yet.

No carers today as told to be up and ready by 9am and they come at 10.30. 

At 6am mum didn't reach commode so we did our best with clean up shower and throwing away pyjamas. It was v messy. 

Due to strike no pick up til 11.30. Got injection at 12 then waited til 2.45 for ambulance back.  Mum exhausted in pain and curled up. 

Asked if can be done at home but gp won't do it.

Tomorrow carers again plus delivery of hospital bed sliding sheets and bum cushion.

V tired.

How's your mum's now maisiemae and elenium? 

Jx

Oh Jenny i understand. She is precious mum and its mostly awful. Honestly we really are in similar positions. How hard is it all!? Mum got home from 2.5 weeks in hospital at 9pm last night, she was 2 minds if she wanted to go home, she was v well cared for there and home is 3 x 30mins care plus when we are therr, im v hands on, will do anything necessary. Marie Curie in last night but v sporadic. Im up there tomorrow for 4 days but ive just worked 16 hour day to allow myself time there. Brother didnt turn up tonight as was planned. Ive covered all angles.... Mum has really gone home to die. Just the words seem foreign.... Hugs all around x

3 x 30 not enough really is it. Why did your brother not show up? 

Mum has forms about resuscitation in her folder not completed yet but guess for nearish future.

Hope you're coping OK with the long hours.

Mum was awake late last night. Was weird she was talking and energetic but it was gone midnight. ..

I was  up a few times in the night.

Fitful sleep. 

Christmas adverts feel irrelevant..

Jx

Feel very drained today.  Dropped my ring this morning and couldn't find it.  It was my mum's first wedding ring (she lost it and dad bought her a new one then found it) which she gave me for my 18th. It will turn up as I dropped it in the bedroom, but don't like not wearing it. 

Mum liked the carers, they were lovely.  They are from the hospice so one of them is coming to do respite care this morning for 4 hours.  It actually seemed to perk mum up when they came, so that was good.

My brother in law is being a complete arse.  He's making life very difficult for my sister and apparately they are hardly speaking because he doesn't want her to come round to mum's so much. She retired and he's saying that they should be spending time together.  It's not like this situation is going to last forever. I just want to shout at him.  My sister says she wants a marriage left at the end of this but to be honest, I wouldn't want the kind of marriage where my husband begrudges me spending time with my dying mother. I saw him yesterday and couldn't bring myself to speak to him.  I know their marriage is none of my business but I just can't believe it.  He's been part of my family for over 40 years and this is how he is!!!!  Sorry, had to get that off my chest.  Rant over.

Jenny, couldn't the district nurse come out and give your mum the injection? You'd think the GP would want to help make things eaiser for your mum, wouldn't you?  Your poor mum.

It's horrible to think of our parents dying and when someone says it I feel like some has thumped me in the chest with a hammer.  Maisiemae, Jenny, I'm sure you both feel the same.  

Sending you both love and hugs X  Sue, thinking of you and sending you loads of love and hugs too.

Think I'll ask consultant next week about the injections  my parents gp surgery is awful I've had to shout before (am usually shy of this) even hospice had to chase them they really have better things to do!

That's really horrible for your sister. Her husband is very selfish! People's reactions to all this are unexpected. My mum's closest sister avoiding most of time. Said she might come last weekend and didn't. Lives 20 minutes away.  Has v stressful job but even at weekends has not helped at all.  A distant friend of mine done more...she sent food packages stuff for sore gums and at end of a text at 5am...she has new baby too!

Carers are extraordinary people. .they choose to do this for poor pay.  Will get them something small at Christmas.

Thinking of sue a lot.

Jx

Ps. Yes just like a thump in the chest exactly right!

Perhaps the consultant can make the GP give the injections?? 

People are weird aren't they?  You certainly find out who are your true friends at times like this.  Some people I thought would rally round I haven't seen hide nor hair of and others, who I don't see that often, have been offering to come round and help if we're stuck.  I really have seen family/friends true colours lately.

I will get something for the carers too, for Christmas, but it doesn't seem real.  I can't even think about it.  I normally have everyone to me over Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day - not all at the same time.  All my brothers and sisters and their children.  They can poke it this year!  There's only one sister I want to see at Christmas and if I never see the others, it'll be too soon.  Do I sound bitter? Sorry, can't help myself.

Anyway, mum said the carer that came today was lovely.  Did her food just how she likes it.  Mum said they are nothing like she thought they were going to be. I'm not quite sure what she thought they were going to be like... Just glad that mum feels happy with them.

Mum's got more pain yesterday and today so going to ask if they can up the dosage of her morphine tablets. The consultant said they could, if needs be.  The anti depressants are helping at night - she sleeps for longer - but not so much during the day.

Hope you're all ok and sending everyone hugs. X