Having a bad day

Jenny, Have you got some sort of befriending scheme where you live?  We looked into it for mum, although never used it.  It's all volunteers who come round and spend time with the person or takes them out for trips or even just a coffee.  Might be worth looking into even if it's just an hour a week.  It would give him someone else to talk to and maybe give you a bit of a break.

We bury mum's ashes with dad on Friday.  Once that's over I will complete the probate forms and send them off.  Just haven't been able to face it. 

Went round mum's last night and it smells musty.  Mum would be horrified.  

Hugs to all.

X

Thanks Elenium I'll look into it. At the moment we're here til Mum's property sorted.  Social services won't assess him til we have a date to leave.  I think he'll refuse befriending service as doesn't even want carers but knows he needs them.

I'll look now though.

Surgery wanted him to go to local project but it's just ladies gossiping and having tea and doing cakes and crafts. He's about music painting (on own) and small diy stuff but tends to get faint when he does diy (great). So he refused that too (it does look pretty poor and he already does 4 hours 3 times a week with people he has nothing in common with at dislysis).

Going to  look at befriending now. Meanwhile have a project in garden for him. 

Jx

Hi all,

I too have been busy with estate stuff. I went to all the banks he had accounts with , and because the amounts weren't huge they didn't need Letters of Administration! One less expense. The moneys were transferred to my current account Friday afternoon, so I opened a new current account with my bank & the funds have gone in there. Once I receive the post from them showing the balance at Date of Death I can contact the Probate Service. As Alan had no property & not many tangible assets it may be that I don't even have to apply for Probate according to the guy at Tsb. That would make life easier for me.

I went to the CRUSE evening on Monday. It was weird sitting with 14 strangers & a volunteer, telling them who, why & when we lost our loved ones. I came away feeling very unsettled. In fact I ended up having a day in bed Tuesday & I think the meeting was the reason. I've decided it's a) not for me at all, or b) I'm not ready. I feel SO much more relaxed & comfortable with our little gang.

Which reminds me, how are you doing yantibee? I think of you & your boys trying to "wear" this new life we've all found ourselves in, as I do all of us. 

I'm off to Donington Park a week today with a couple of our friends to scatter Alan's ashes there. Something tells me I'd better make sure I've got lots of tissues handy. 

Jennie, as to music, my favourite goto composers are Chopin, Debussy & Handel. Vaughan Williams can be a bit much for  a me sometimes, but I don't know why.Unless I'm actually watching something on TV after 10pm I put Classic FM on every night till I'm ready for bed.

I find all the Mothers Day advertising distressing too. I'll have it again in May as that's when North America does it. I'd always buy Mum a card now while they're in the shops, then post it to her in May. I'd usually send her a little keyring or fridge magnet too. I miss her & Alan so much. 

I hope all the plantings are going well. 

Hugs to All

Sue xx

Taking majority of Mum's clothes to the charity shop tomorrow.   So wrong in my heart but so right that the hospice charity have them. I'm keeping two jackets and a cardigan.  We have kept all her scarves except two given to friends.   I want to keep all her clothes forever really they are so her style and essence......but what for? To look at? Must I harden my heart?

Dad ill again today.

Shopgood you've been busy! Good news about the accounts and no need for letter's of administration. 

Maybe it was the group thing that wasn't right for you? Maybe one to one better?

Am off to attempt sleep. 

Jx

Hi sue and everyone, not posted but check in daily to read the posts. Things not great personally at the moment I am struggling quite a bit as are the boys, the sense of loss is just so huge now especially this month of March, wedding anniversary eldest sons birthday and Mother's Day. I too am seeing CRUSE on Thursday but as a one on one, I spoke to the helpline who directed me to my nearest centre which is in Skipton North Yorkshire just a few miles from the restaurant I am based at so we will see what that brings , hopefully some peace to my mixed up brain in time but I feel anything is worth a try at the moment 

will let you know what happens 

Love to you all in your battles to carry on x

Morning everyone.

Yantibee sorry to hear you and the boys are struggling but I guess it will take time for all of us,  I have days where I'm fine and then others where I feel like I have a big black cloud over my head and,as I think Sue has said, feel like I'm walking through treacle.  I don't like this new normal.  It's shit!

Sue I'm glad you are getting things sorted out.  Perhaps you should try one to one.  I feel that's helped me.  I don't think I would have liked to go to a group.  Like you say, I like our group on here.  

Jenny it's hard getting rid of everything, isn't it? I went to mum's last night and my sister has taken everything to the charity shop/care home and it really hit me that it's all gone.  Not a good night yesterday.  I know that it had to go and I knew that it was going but still hard to accept.

Feeling a bit sad today but trying to just get on with it.  I'm meeting friends later so hopefully that will help.

Hugs to all.

X

Dearest friends, i too am struggling. Continue to empty mums house alone. 8 hour round trip just to get there and back. its not feeling like hers but all the trees in her garden are starting to come out, the pears to die for, damsons great jam and cherries are wonderful. all to be gone. I feel so very lost. Group therapy in much smaller groups can be intimate and powerful. i read daily but fear i have nothing to say although i care still x

Oh maisiemae, you've just put into words how I, & I suspect the rest of our little gang, are feeling. 

I think I'm going to ask to go on the waiting list for one to one counselling. There's about a 4 month waiting list. My regular therapy is on hold. Grief counselling isn't really within my psychologists remit.

Reading your posts regarding sorting things out I'm the same. Sorting out anything Alan related makes me miss him more if that's possible. Wish I could cry more easily. 

Love & Hugs to all of you my friends

Sue xx

Maisiemae and Shopgood am with you. Maisiemae always expresses things so well..a second career in writing? 

I feel like I'm putting Mum in bin bags at the moment.  Telling myself it's what she wanted she had already given a lot of clothes to the hospice shop.  It's just the rest (other than bits we can wear).

The fruit trees sound lovely.  I dread Mums cottage sale. I am the most attached to it of everyone. 

Keep reading ..not posting is OK when you're bereft of anything. ...or post deranged ramblings either is good. 

I'm waiting for assessment for counselling as is sis. Dad probably will refuse..

Hug.

Jx

What really did it for me yesterday was walking in and seeing the cushion crooked on mum's armchair - like she'd just got up.  Then I walked to her bedroom door almost expecting to see her sitting in bed watching the TV.  Sometimes it just really knocks me for 6.

I'm so sick of being bombarded with Mother's Day emails.  I wanted to scream this morning.

I just miss her.