Having a bad day

Mum's clothes mostly in bags now for charity. My sister and I have kept some. Kept most scarves.

All bags in my room.

I hate that her clothes are in bin bags.  I know there's nothing else but feels wrong. She would definitely prefer her things go to charity.  Just mentally difficult. 

My sister away this weekend.  I'm taking dad out for pancakes today.

Sister said going on holiday in summer. Not sure how! 

My aunt true to form not asked how we are but my friends, my sister's and my Mum's have done.

Jx

Maisiemae I feel a longing too and regrets and want to talk to her...even though I tried to say all to her. .it wasn't possible to as a lifetime's love can't be communicated in such a brief and painful time.  We all said our bit as she did too...but it's all blurry in my head... we all know we loved each other. .it just not ENOUGH now...

I'm not crying much though. Weird.

Sister feels guilt for not being around enough or taking Mum out. I tried to get her to before but was ignored and then snapped at. "I need my own life" was the phrase. Now she suffers.

Cancer is so awful.

Jx

Jenny,

If you're losing the plot at least you have company. I've been feeling the same.

Lonely,  sad, angry, confused. And probably other feelings I can't actually put into words. Words aren't enough. It's like an epusode of Tales of the Unexpected. I keep hearing Alan when I'm out & about. I'm even worrying about going to the Cruse meeting on Monday. 

I've been doing bank stuff this week. One last appointment today.

It feels like I'm discussing a stranger with them. 

I've really been missing my family this week or so too. They're too far away.

On a positive note, I've taken Zopiclone the last 3 nights & actually wake up a bit more ready to face the day & whatever it chucks at me.

Hugs & Love to All of you

Sue xx

Maisiemai,

I still can't bring myself to sort Bobs clothes so don't feel that you should, feel I'm being stupid but even shredding all his paperwork is hard, erasing more of him.

I guess maybe in time it'll be okay but not yet.

Love to all xxx

Picked up mum's ashes today.  Feel comforted having them here with me.

Hello Elenium,

So glad you have been able to collect your Mum's ashes, and they are a comfort to you. You have been strong for so long, and still dealing with your Dad. I love your posts, they are so humorous and refreshing. I wish you well.

Take care, Anneteresa

Hello Elenium. Agreed. Nice having them. Still in my bedroom Too. Mad but i touch the box goodnight x

My sister is making it up by doing things for mums husband. Thats too late. She can beaver away but she wasnt there for mum for 35 years. Its too late. I begged her at the time For help. Its too late. They have to live with it. I would give anything for one more day but without her mental and physical torture. I need to hear her forgive me for calling the ambulance that last time. I cldnt cope. She had dvt in her leg, it was going blue. Her pain was intense. I want to hold her hand and just lay and talk x

My mood has lifted quite a lot since having her here. It's slightly freaking out my eldest daughter but she says she's ok with it if it helps me. Mum'll only be here till Friday though as she will be buried with dad then. 

I had the best night sleep for a very long time last night.

Hugs to all.

X

Sleep makes a huge difference doesn't it.

We will have Mum's ashes until Dad can get a day off from dialysis to come and scatter them in the sea...I'm used to them being with us now.  Dad kisses her watch goodnight each night.  I hate things being left on her side of the bed as though she'll be getting in it.

I need to sort some of her things in my own time. My sister is a bit too rapid and matter of fact for me.

We're all different I guess.

Jx