Having a bad day

I'm very emotional today. My neice sent pictures through of her new baby this morning. Mum's first great grandchild. She was so looking forward to meeting her. Not holding it together very well and am now hiding in the toilet again.

My mum's birthday is exactly a week before mine Jenny. She always said I was a late birthday present. I'm 50 this year and had planned to have a party. I think I still will but it will be so very difficult. The whole family would get together every year for mum's birthday and I told her she'd have to share the limelight with me this year.

Thank-you all, for your kind words.

You are absolutely right Bobles, he hadn't really told anyone about his discomfort, and he had been offered pain killers, but chose not to have them. I was able to speak to Matron to let her know. Then I spoke to Dad and very strongly suggested he asked for pain relief and sleeping tablets. Lo and behold, they gave him some tablets to clear him out, and he is being assessed for pain relief! Thank-you all again.

Take care, Anneteresa

I had a very difficult weekend grieving wise. It was as much as I could do to get out of bed. Yesterday was spent researching & printing off probate forms. Even though he didn't have property Alan had several bank accounts. He even hoarded them!! 

But, I was brave today. I went into town & went to the banks in question. One was able to freeze accounts for me, I go to see another one tomorrow, & Friday I go to the last one. The more I see how his affairs were muddled up the more I get upset. 

I'd just like the chance to mourn Alan properly. Am I asking too much? 

Yantibee, I know today will have been difficult for you. I'm dreading Mother's Day. 

I feel sometimes that the Fu***it disease has still got it's iron claws around me, like some huge angry raptor.

I want to scream but am scared I'll never stop.

Hugs to all

Sue xx

Hello all,

 I know it's all crap as you say Elenium.

Yantibee, it's our anniversary on March 24th, married 38 years together 40. It's going to be tough I know. Bobs birthday on Easter Saturday, at least I won't be at work. That's the only positive I can find at the moment. My eyes leak at the oddest of times.

Love to all.

Xxx 

yantibee. I do hope the boys are keeping you company today. Another difficult first

Hard hard to undo a lifetime x

Hello Sue, keep going, you're doing great even if you think you aren't.

Scream if you want to, you will stop believe me! And no, you aren't asking too much to mourn Alan properly.

I still have Bobs clothes, can't bring myself to move them. 

But it all seems we're on yet another conveyor belt to meet the powers that be eg banks etc, regulations and processes. Trying to sort things and ours were relatively straightforward. Just when you think you've ticked the boxes another crops up. Aargh!

Love to all xx

Thank you Leslie,

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one on this conveyer belt. I'm also sad that others are on the same conveyer belt if that makes sense

Sue xx

im on a pletheroa of scary fair rides. Id like a ticket to get off! Work is crazy busy. I still cry every day. My heart yearns and aches. I also laugh sometimes. Chose puppy, want to show mum, everything i want to share with her. Emptiness

Morning Maisiemai and Sue and everyone,

Makes total sense Sue and with Maisiemai, your fair rides, a different analogy came to mind, it's like splat the rat at the moment, you think you've done one thing, coped about another and then up pops something else whether it's emotion, loneliness, a moments thought of I'll just tell ..... mum, Alan, Bob,or another bank to deal with, something else to sort... there doesn't seem an end in sight at the moment, 

Love to all xxxx