Sorry but I'm having a bad day and I just need to let it out. Â I woke up feeling like I've had no sleep and really down. Â Mum's been bad this week - a lot of pain and, I think, sliding into depression - so I'm in overdrive on worrying about her. Â My sister is with her today so I don't need to go round to see mum although I probably will drop round later. Â I thought I would throw myself into cleaning the house so make myself busy and then I'd start to feel better. Â My fatal mistake was asking my 18 year old daughter to help. Â She had a major strop. Â I tried to keep calm as I realise that she is worrying about my mum too but it was hard. Â I tried to talk to her but she just got worse and worse so I gave up. Â Then my husband made sarcastic comments about it all - again he is worrying and his mum is also not well - so I am still trying to keep a lid on it. Â But I feel even worse now. Â I'm now sitting on the sofa in my pyjama's watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy without the will to do anything else. Â I just keep crying and feel so very very sad.Â
Yantibee and Bobles - sending you love today especially x
It's been a hard one. Alan always made a fuss on the 14th.
Sue, ive lost my brain today. I thought of you earlier as well.. .. I hate V day! So much pressure to be happy, same as Christmas grr. Much love is on its way to Coventry by a shooting star! X
Maisiemae Mum didn't make it to hospice sadly got stuck in hospital.Â
She wanted to be home most of all but she couldn't come home.
All heartbreaking.Â
Eulogy flowed to write but speaking...hope I don't just say...Thanks Mum for..blubhubbubeenbub sniff wobble...
Jx
Yantibee, Bobles, Sue...any others on thonking of you.
Horrid V day.
Jx
Hi, thank you.
I kept our cards from last year just because ... , I put mine to Bob in his coffin so he Has it with him  and I have his to me with me today. Not the same obviously but .....Â
love to all xxxxÂ
Meal for one tonight
Take a deep breath ... then on with the day.
Well, I have registered mum's death and picked up her will. My sister is taking the green form to the funeral home tomorrow, as ran out of time today. I've even been on line to notify pension, council tax, etc. I've looked at probate papers, written questions I need answers to and got the phone number of the help line. All in all I have achieved loads today but feel like crap.
I am dreading going back to work tomorrow. I have asked my boss to tell everyone not to ask me how I am or tell me they are 'sorry for my loss'. I just want to be normal. If they start asking me how I am I won't be able to cope. Not even sure if I'll manage going in tomorrow. Wednesday was one of my days to be with mum. Haven't been into work on a Wednesday since August.
I've made the decision not speak at mum's funeral. I have written something but I don't think I'd get past the first word. We're seeing the minister on Monday and will tell her what to say.
Thank you to those who came back giving advice about probate.
Sending hugs to Sue, Yantibee and Bobles as today must have been so very hard for you all.
X
Elenium
Horrible day Valentine's Day obviously never be the same again, spent it at work in the restaurant surrounded by red roses sharing platters and loving couples from teens to 80s Â
Home in bed now ...standard can't get to sleep despite classic FMs best effortsÂ
MIL funeral Wednesday morning oh how my boys and I wish we didn't have to attend!! Firstly as she was so awful to Jill during her illness and second it's too soon after Jill's funeral to go to another "family" FuneralÂ
On a separate note my eulogy was so hard to write but as maisiemae said once that first sentence came then it just poured out onto the keypad and I couldn't stop, but as I opened my eulogy with "how do I sum up 27 years in a few minutes? I can't"but I tried and there were tears, laughs and it was right so don't worry too much it will comeÂ
Hope tomorrow is as good as it can be for you allmy lovely support network friends x
Am on my way to work, feel sick. Â Didn't help that my train was delayed by 20 minutes. Â Now wondering if I should have just gone home.
Jenny and Yantibee, don't know what to say. Â Hope you managed to get some sleep.Â
I slept but feel like I haven't. Â My head feels like it's full of cotton wool.
X
Elenium
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