Having a bad day

Jenny and Elenium. Thinking of you both and sue yantibee bobles and AT. The battle ongoing here and back to mums as house for sale so ive gotcto dismantle mums door of love gallery. Dreading it x

Although on the up we choose our new pup on 4 March x

Maisiemai, you have done all you can there is no more you can do for your brother. The help he needs Should come from a professional and isomewhere that's  safe for you and safe for him. 

Your mum would agree with your decision.

X

Hi all 

This shit never ends !!! Just got home from hospital as I got a message from Jill's sister saying MIL was nearing the end ! 

Has been in hospital for 5 weeks now and amongst other things was diagnosed with dementia just before Jill died, obviously the fall out between Jill and her mother was bad and the mother has behaved very badly when not trying to even attempt to make things right with Jill even though she knew she would die of her cancer . 

Anyway you know I had asked for her not to come to the funeral well obviously she couldn't as was in hospital, she has pneumonia and has had bleed on brain , is really struggling for breath and doctors have now withdrawn all medicine as she is not strong enough to fight anymore so basically just waiting for her to die. 

So why did I go you ask? Honestly I didn't know whilst driving to the hospital I was arguing with myself but when I saw her I knew why I was there, Jill had made me go . I know in my heart that if Jill were still here ill or not she would have put all the hurt and conflict to one side and gone to be with her mum. 

I also feel now I wanted to see her sister(pretty good) and her two brother (1 good the other a NOB) I wanted them to know I do care about them and their feelings and I can't imagine how it feels to loose your mum, mine is still here but having read maisiemae Jenny Elenium and all the others stories it has made me feel so sad. And through your posts I now have some small glimpse of what it must be like. Add to that my own kids and what they have been through, my youngest is still there now at hospital with his grandma and he DOES know how they are going to feel which made me so proud of him 

Rambling now but basically to my Jill and to you beautiful caring kind thoughtful people out there Thank Youfor making me go tonight! 

I made my peace with that old lady privately and quietly and I know I made my beloved Jill proud tonight x 

Yantibee that's lovely. Jx

Dad's brain clearer now. I took him to spend a little time with mum yesterday after his dialysis.

He said "hi Pix you're still my pixie the loveliest lady. Remember the music at our wedding it's name in English meant Lovely Time. Try to think of nice times now. I love you and I always will my little Pix"

I had to take him home as dialysis is draining. She dictated a text to sis to send (she can't speak much now) saying "love you always Pixie xxx

He wants to go again today.

I want more time with my Mum.

She begs to go now.  Macmillan nurse agrees with me re the law said she said only at this point. ...and we on here know what that point is....not just when things are difficult because there can still be good days then...but now when the body is shutting down too slowly there is nothing to help her....we should be able to end this ..

Mum could be this way for days or weeks. .makes me distressed at her distress 

I read her prayers...

Let her go now please. 

Jx

Hi Yantibee,

Of course you went. You're a caring loving person and you andJill brought your boys up to be the same. By visiting tonight you showed Jill's family what wonderful loving lives your family had/have and all shared and how loving and supportive your boys are. Jill is proud of you and your boys.

I promised Bob, an only child, that I would look after his mum, who is the most self centred, spoilt, selfish ...... well anyway, I do. If I think horrible thoughts about her when she's being herself I feel guilty and that I'm letting him down so I bite my tongue, but I do draw the line when needed. I'm finding I'm a stronger person for doing this, a bit more self respect maybe, and I know he would know I was right!

 Love to all.

Yantibee, what beautiful honest insight you have. Your Jill lives on through you and your boys. You really are a beacon of light in the darkness. X

jenny, i agree totally also from before 'the point', mum wanted to go some months before when living was just too much for her. So your dad really is loving his wife until death do us part, the most bittersweet time. Yantibee has written so clearly the feelings of loss a husband experiences. I think until now maybe ive not truly thought there was a greater love than mother and daughter but im wrong. Deep, unconditional love just simply is x

Dear bobles. You are so lovely x