Having a bad day

Dearest Jenny, I'm with you in my heart

Sue xxx

Yantibee. Yr words always get me. I can barely cry. I cant let it go. Im stil in fight mode in my brain. Reeling from the words of criticism, the negativity, the pain of losing mum and my niece, my brother is unaware he is so v sick (mentally), living with me but threatening to hold up the Will for which im executor as i want to small gift the other executor (as its a lot of work and she isnt benefitting).  Im a transparent person, it only seems fair. It probably sounds petty but im losing so much more than my mum, she was by best friend in many ways. Ive somehow lost a reason to live and she would be aghast at that statement and at the trouble im having. My sister is now being passive aggressive. I want my mummy back. The unconditional love both ways. Perhaps thats why i want a puppy. Everyone reading. Im not always woe is me, but feeling very sorry for myself and nobody to discuss wirh whats happening now post mums passing

Dearest Jenny. Thought of you as soon as i woke. You are all in my thoughts and if i really believed, also in my prayers x

Maisiemae our relationships with our mums sound similar. 

This house is so full of my mum.......her style her designed and made toys her many scarfs...

Last night she asked if I'd eaten....even though so exhausted now herself. 

As I left she flickered awake a bit and said night night darling. ..

I need to get dad eating a bit now he dialyses. ..we hope to see mum if she's still there.

Maisiemae tell your mum everything. ..am sure she's still with you some how.

Jxxx

Maisiemae & Jenny,

Hugs. Just know I'm thinking & caring about you.

Yantibee, we should never be sorry we're a mess emotionally. It proves we care.

Elenium, I hope your Mum's doing better in the home now.

Everyone else who reads & comments on our thoughts, I wish in the best way possible that you can keep going while you have to. When I'm on my own it's all I can do to just play word search without feeling guilty that I'm taking time for me, even though my Alan is gone.

Hugs 

Sue xx

Hi,

Love to you all.

Hope your day has been okay.

X

Unbelievable Maisiemai, I'm sorry you have more agro. You must be so exhausted with the both of them. Jenny is right, talk to your mum or write her a letter. I find it helps to write things, find it gets things out of my head if that makes sense.

Read it tomorrow if you choose, tear it up, let your family read it?

Love to you all.x

Mum said she just wants to come home. She alsi

Sorry phone messing about.mum said she wants to come home.  Mum also said she wants to die tonight.

I feel terrible she isn't at home but consultant earlier said she couldn't make a transfer....I think. .it was a dazed time. ..

I think she's too frail. But the doubt in my mind is awful.

Her pelvis is disintegrating her kidney no longer works. She is repositioned every few hours by two nurses she had syringe driver changed every few hours she coughing up blood she hardly opens her eyes. 

I don't know how you'd be able to care for someone this frail at home.

Poor mum wish it was hospice...visiting hours don't exist there.

I had to look after dad in dialysis as he saw mum and was v distressed sobbed as I wheeled him away.  So didn't see mum much. She had my aunts there.

Horrible day.

Wish she had private ward. Wish I didn't feel bad leaving her there. I need more time with her...

Jx

Hello Jennie,

Such a horrible horrible time. 

Could you ask if there is a side ward? I would hope in the circumstances the hospital could extend your visiting with your mum?

All I can send is love to you and your dad, big hug. Thinking of you.

Lesley