Having a bad day

Dad is up again. Yesterday was up every hour! Tried sleeping tablets yesterday. ...he was wide awake after.  He's not used to sleeping alone. 

What will we do with him?

J 

Jenny, how are your parents?  Did your dad get any sleep?

I wish I could say to mum that it's OK to let go, but I think that might upset her more.  I think she's holding on for us, but we don't want this for her.  She doesn't talk about dying but has started to tell me to give things away.  My daughter was admiring one of her shirts so she told her to take anything she wanted.  She told me to take her blender and all the food out of the freezer and cupboards. I'm frightened to mention anything in case she tells me to take that too.  I know that she won't ever be able to go home again but this just seems so final.

How is everyone else?

X

Dad only woke me once yesterday at 2.35.

I am with mum as I write all treatment stopped. Only morphine driver and buscopan plus immodium. My sister's ex boyfriend with dad but now she's gone to be with dad. He won't sleep tonight. He is v ill.

I asked about hospice but they think she can't make a transfer.  She wants to be at home but can't get her there either.  And I can't do what she needs especially with dad there.

He hasn't seen her. She didn't want him here earlier but if she is out of it tomorrow I think he needs to see her.

I don't know how long this will take how long away the end is. I'm wetting her mouth.  But I have to home to rest at some point as have to get dad here tomorrow for dialysis. 

Jx

Ps mum made me give stuff away too elenium jx

Jenny. Feel for you so much. If love alone could do anything we wouldnt be on this site. We are here. X

Oh Jenny, I wish I could help. As Maisiemae says, we are here.

X

Will be awful leaving her at 10. I'm not meant to be here as no permission but I said consultant said I could stay late. You can never get hold of a consultant. .

Her breathing is slowing.. each time it looks like she stopped my abdomen does a weird contraction of panic.

Yet I will have to go as dad needs help tomorrow ..and this could go on for a few days ?

Or end at any time....

Sleep my lovely mum.  She smiled earlier as I said she can have a cup of tea with her best friend who died a few years back...soon.

Jx

Holding your hand Jenny.

X

Hi Jenny,

I'm so sorry, it is so tough I know, especially when everyone has fought and endured for so long.

I hope your mum and dad get to see each other if that's what they wish for.

Thinking of you so much and wishing you as peaceful a night as you can all have. 

Lesley

X 

Jenny it's heartbreaking to read and my tears for you and Elenium and all of you are mixed with my own for what has happened here 

Thinking of you all xx

Beside you in spirit Jenny. Xx