Having a bad day

Good for you Maisiemae.  I think that's lovely that you can say goodnight to your mum. You will have a still mind again, it'll just take time. 

Mum's still not eating and drinking much. Mainly a bit of soup and ice cream every lunch and tea time.  She's very weak and sleeps a lot.  Me and mum have never run out of things to talk about but now I have to carry the conversation most of the time and she has difficulty in concentrating.

Spending the day with mum tomorrow.  We're going to watch Hello Dolly.  :-)

I'm still here but in nightmare. 

Mum and dad dialysed in isolation in rooms next to each other on Tuesday even the nurses found it hard.

Dad chest infection but is at home and awake most nights so I can't sleep.  Mum has flu that has stopped her kidney working they hope dialysing might start it.

I am coughing too. I can only see mum when dad dialysed Tues Thurs sat as can't leave him. She may die when I can't go.

Asked for emergency social services for dad they tried but quick access is too busy.

My aunt and sister going when I can't. 

Dad v poorly but hospital seen him twice sent him home.

Mum seem chaplain.  Counselling needed but can't get there til next Tuesday. 

Mum is sad scared swollen. ..dialysis made her a bit better but it's temporary.  She's trapped in bed with bedsores as pelvis has hairline fracture. 

I have her photo with me now.

Tomorrow and Sunday I look after dad alone as sister not sleeping either so needs two nights off.

I just want to be with mum.

Will check in here again but it's hard to at moment. 

Think of you all though. 

Jx

Hi all hope you are all as well as can be in your struggles you are all in my thoughts and I check in daily to read your posts, here things are ..... I don't know really?!? Numb still, very strange without my Jill here it all seems a bit scary. Cried lots, been alone through choice lots then this week went back to work which was hard to do but it has to be done. Busy at work so that helped to pass the hours quickly so I could retreat back under my duvet and look at the photo on the bedside table. Jill comes home on Sunday, I collect her in her beautiful light purple ceramic teardrop urn on Sunday morning from the FD so I like the brave strong maisiemae will be able to touch the urn before I sleep and as I wake. Got a strange reaction from my in law family " fuckwits" when I said I was bringing the ashes home in a bespoke purple urn but bollocks to them if my boys and I get comfort from it what's it to do with them? NOTHING!! 

Eldest is working in Rotterdam for 3 weeks so missing him terribly, he FaceTime calls every other day but it's not the same and the youngest flits between here and Sheffield and until we get a little "normal " routine going it's all a bit disjointed but we are there as much as possible for each other. 

Don't really know how I feel, lost,lonely, tired,scarred,hurt,upset, all those things I guess but having had some time alone in the last 2weeks and remembering the life I had with Jill I have found comfort in the fact that the majority of the time was great, it was fun, hard at times and challenging but we did have a good time and a laugh and I know I loved her with all my heart and I truly know she loved me and her boys with all her heart and at times like now 2:49am when I can't sleep that's a good thing to know because I do miss her loads and I tell her that every day and night 

I hope she can hear me ! 

Love and a hug to you all hope today is better xx

Jenny. Im disgusted you arent getting respite for yr dad to enable you to see mum. Time is of the essence. What area is yr dad physically whilst he is on dialysis. If someone was with him you could be with yr mum right? I want to help. I will pay a day for a nurse/carer to be with him so you can be with mum. How specialist does that carer need to be. My friend is a semi retired district nurse. I would trust her with my life. Would you let me help. Or you choose and i will pay a day. I am being perfectly serious x

Maisiemae. ..hug...

Jxxx

I'm sorry for your sad loss of Jill .I lost my hubby brian 6th Dec 2016 aged 57 .he fought lung cancer for nearly 3 years  . You do what ever you need to do to help you get through . I have some off my brian ashes in a pendant which I sleep with every night plus our dog sleep with me on the bed, ozzy was very devoted to my brian so I used to worry about how he would cope lol . I also have photos of Brian all over the house as I worry if I forget what he looks like silly me hey .he will always be in my heart forever . 

My brian ashes are laid in the petal garden cremation grave memorial which gives comforts to alot of the family to pop down a leave flowers and little items has he came from a big family and his 2 children and step children . I start back to work beginning of Feb has its time to get some normality back into my life .I wish you all the best on your new journey like myself .if you ever need to chat I'll be around take care x

Jenny, I hope that something gets sorted out so that you can be with your mum.  It's ridiculous that social services can't get someone to help right now. 

Sending love and hugs to you, mum and dad. X

Mum's not having a very good day today.  She's been asleep most of the time and has hardly eaten or drunk anything.  She's so weak.  

I really hope she finds the strength to rally. Each day is a little different i found with mum. Its scary.

My top tip is make sure you all have your loved ones voice recorded. I listen to my mums voice a lot on phone msgs. Its soothing. Oh how i miss her.

We heard today that we have been accepted as parents to our 3rd dog, madness, i know. She will be called Mabel. Im missing caring, not missing the anxiety of it all. Although have to go have some healthchecks next week.

Love to everyone - writers and non writers.

Xxxx

Elenium, make little ice cube lollies with ribena or something your mum likes. Mum wldnt drink but she loved my mini lollies x