Having a bad day

Dearest friends. My day is nearly done. Mummys funeral went beautifully, i carried her, the flowers were meadow wonder of beautifulness. I did the eulogy on my own - there were 90 people, i dod it for mum. I know she would have loved it. I collect mum tomorrow, she isnt being left on a shelf anywhere! I miss her, i love her, i so hope she is proud of me. Her sister, my aunt found the whole process 'long winded and not for her'! I smiled sweetly and walked away. I have to remove these negatives from my life. Mums neighbours were so wonderful. They have become part of my family. Thankyou for the colours today. I have a numb feeling. I feel 100 years old. X

X

Maisiemae, your mum is proud of you.  You are right, you do need to remove these negatives from your life and now you can.  Your mum will always be in your heart. She is watching over you.

Sending you much love and hugs.  X

Maisiemai 

Sounds totally beautiful and a wonderful tribute to your mum and to you. Anyone who can say such negative things at any time but especially at a funeral are not worth thinking about, delete your aunt from your mind and your life.

Today will feel strange, believe me, but think of what your mum would wish for you.

Love to all x

You are right! My default to please is buzzing. Very mean spirited of her. My efforts were huge, that was obvious. This aunt cant say much positive about anyone other than her immediate own. She is more like my sister. Thanks Bobles. Not sure who i am any more. X

Jenny, how are your mum and dad? How are you?

Maisiemae, how are you doing today?

Sue and Yantibee I've been thinking of you both. 

Hugs to all, including those who don't always post.

I really don't understand people who feel the need to say rude and unpleasant things at a funeral. If there was ever a time to keep your mouth shut, whatever critical thoughts you are thinking, that is it.  Her remark says everything about her, and nothing about you. You did your mother proud. That is all that matters.

I hope you are resting today and have someone with you (if you want that). A few days after my husband's funeral the calm cracked and I had a meltdown. Not to scare you but it does happen but it also does pass. Treat yourself kindly x

Hi all,

Maisiemae, I feel so sad for you Sweetheart. As the others have said, you did your Mum & You proud. No one can take that away from you, EVER!! Let the Aunty stew. If she doesn't work out what she's lost she's not worth brain space. I doubt you were the only one that noticed how negative she was. 

Do you know I haven't heard a peep from wimpy son or grabbing granddaughters since the day of the funeral other than wimpy son emailing after I asked if anyone wanted any ashes, to say no he didn't. Once this is over I'm going to tell them where to go, how to get there, & to sit & swivel once they get there. It's funny, Alan was so down on his brother & yet Steve & his lovely wife have been brilliant. 

He popped in yesterday to say the clearance company are meant to be starting next Wednesday. I had the best night's sleep I've had in months last night. Didn't wake till 10 this morning!!

I went and collected Alan's ashes yesterday. Made me feel very sad. A funeral cortege was just leaving the funeral home, that made it hit home that he's really gone. 

Jenny, I can only imagine how near the edge you are. I've been there, and it's different for everyone. Elenium's right, talking therapy can really help. I've been seeing a clinical psychologist for nearly 2 years for help with Complex Trauma Syndrome( yes it has a name) Even if we can't get together we speak on the phone. It helps, it really helps.

Yantibee, I hope you and your boys can have a reasonable weekend.

Big Hugs to All,

Sue xx

Big love, peace and hugs to you Jennie, also your mum and dad.

Take care of yourself.

X

Diziet et al. I called said Auntie and told her that she had issues and that i would rather she told me than gossiped, she said she had no complaints. Still no well done. So, i simply said you hurt me by just saying her truth, that the funeral was too long winded for her liking and walked away, and that in future two words, well done are two words she cant quite locate in her mean brain - then i put the phone down. Why i need her approval god knows! I almost no longer care. She didnt go to mums wedding (2nd one) im sure because he is black, arghhh. But years later her daughter has married a much younger (good on her) Turkish Waiter, she is now being forced to face her own judgemental self. I have never fitted the perfect mould, and, all the fuckwits can fuckwit off. Long live happiness and embracing difference. Wowser where did that cone from. Oh if only i cld gossip with mum. We would talk for hours about anything and everything. Thanks for all the support. Mums in my room and i touch the box to say goodnight.  Jenny, im worried about you, Elenium hows your mamma? Sue, pleased wimps are going to get it, bro has cone up trumps and the clearance people are booked. Yantibee. Thinking of you. In fact i think of you all very regularly if im not crying or raging! Will i ever just have a still mind ever again?