Way down in the dumps

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 I had the surgery supposed to have gotten it all and I'll need chemo and radiotherapy as tumor was so big. And I know I should be thankful but I cant find a reason. I'm so down it's not funny anymore and talking doesn't seem to be making it better. I'm scared is thai all that's left of my life if so why keep going? It's got me really down about things and I gotta figure out a way to make it better or I'm gonna end up giving up..

  • Hi Frazzled welcome to the forum and I know its not easy, but you are here and alive and that is a great thing and something to be very thankful for, as you now get to carry on with plans and make new ones and new memories. 

    Im not sure what you mean  by all that is left of your life ?  Chemo and radiotherapy are treatments to make sure this blighter stays away and an important part of the treatment for you. You are not allowed to give up we dont let people do that here and I see that you have posted in  other threads so there are plenty people for you to talk with and who offer support so please dont even think of giving up.

    gail

     
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  • I know I should be thankful I'm just struggling to find a reason. Like today I wish I hadnt woke up. I've tried talking people to doc. And I just cant seem to change the way my head is lately.. 

  • Hi Frazzled - just a thought but what would you have been doing if you didn't have cancer?  Is it possible to remind yourself of these and maybe to start planning on doing some of them again?  I hear that things are really getting you down and can totally understand this as it must have been a huge part of your life for a long time.  When you are in the middle of treatment nothing else matters and then the treatment starts to end and suddenly everyone expects you to be thankful.  Maybe you can plan just a little thing to do or experience in the next few days and then maybe something for further down the line.  We can get out of practice at planning things.  Sending hugs.  Clancy

  • Actually I was down in the dumps and we were coming out of last winter which is so gloomy and I was looking forward to turning 55 and trying to get it turned around during the summer but unfortunately I got told about the cancer 2 days after my bday and it just sat me back down in my self wallowing mood I suppose.  I cant seem to think of anything that would make me happy at the minute. Its cold and gloomy and I feel like death warmed over at the minute.  I know I sound frumpy but I couldnt find a reason before this and now I really struggling to find a reason.. I just dont think theres anything or anyone  out there for me. It makes me feel worse when I see it written down. But all I want is to be with my mom but shes in Texas. And cant come here

  • I felt like this at times and one thing I used was writing poetry about how I felt - including a phrase I remember where I said I must have been a right cow in a previous life to feel the s**t I was then.  But it was  the smallest of things that helped me  most and that was looking a daffodils in the garden and realising that they had survived the harsh winter, pushing up through the cold soil and against all the odds they were blooming bright and yellow and it made me think - as much as good times pass so also do bad times and spring comes again.  It helped me - I hope it might also help you Hugging

  • Hi Frazzled have you spoke to your GP about how you are feeling as it is not unheard of for some of us to become depressed. Is it possible this is what is happening for you ? If so it is worth a visit to the GP for  chat and maybe some counselling  may help as well if thats available for you. Are you able to go to your  mum at all ?

    gail

     
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  • No my mom is in Texas. I spent all morning trying to get through to my GP it didnt happen. I know I'm depressed I just cant seem to shake it..

  • you need to go to the surgery if thats possible and dont leave until you get a GP appointment thats not good enough.

    gail

     
    Community Champion Badge

  • Hi  

    It's Megan here again from Macmillan's Online Community team. I hope the information we have shared with you has been helpful and it's good that you have tried to speak with your GP about the way that you are feeling. 

    It can be hard to have conversations about your mental health but by telling your GP about the way you’re feeling, they can make sure you access the right support for your mental and physical health.

    Please do try and call them again today. If it’s outside your GP opening hours or you can’t make contact with them, you can contact any of the below:

    The above services are available 24 hours a day. Please do consider calling one of the numbers above as they are able to give you support straight away. 

    I do hope you'll consider some of the support options we have mentioned to you and you'll contact one of the above numbers today. 

    Please don't hesitate to email community@macmillan.org.uk if you need some additional support or help using the site. 

    Best wishes, 

    Megan
    Macmillan's Online Community team

  • Everything wi be fine we all have days. Feeling better mentally this morning but I've got a bit of a cough so keeping an eye on that. I would never do anything harmful I was just really down yesterday and I have days like that it happens..