I first dated my partner for a few months when we were 18, then he dumped me! 36 years of life later we reconnected in Feb last year to have a coffee and talk about how impossible it was to find anyone that could understand us and everything just clicked and we became pretty inseparable. We had 8 amazing months, lots of hobbies, exploring the countryside, road trip to France/Switzerland and planned to go to Uzbekistan for a month this August. He’d been struggling with a sore throat most of those 8 months that got worse. Went to doctors, nothing. Referred to hospital, who did one quick check and told him to take paracetamol. He eventually got to the stage where he couldn’t eat, so I took him to my local hospital and a month later was diagnosed with stage 4 hypo pharyngeal cancer. Had a massive 13 hour operation in January, with a laryngectomy and a RIG for food. It’s now spread to his lungs and he’s not a candidate for immunotherapy and we’ve just found out that chemotherapy hasn’t worked and the cancer is back, nearly as big as before and is spreading throughout his neck. He’s done one session of radiotherapy and it’s wiped him out. He’s done got really nauseous but can’t throw up because his oesophagus is closed up. So they’ve given him anti nausea injections and he’s just slept.
I'm just struggling with the fact that the wiry bundle of ADHD infused chaos that I love is rapidly slipping away from me and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I know he feels awful about what he’s putting me through, which I do without hesitation. It’s just so unfair that we both finally found happiness and now it’s been taken away after such a short time. All the crazy plans we had are gone. We can’t even do a bucket list because he’s never recovered enough from his surgery to be able to do anything. It just feels like we’re both sitting waiting for him to die. Sorry, I just needed to get that all off my chest.
