Anticipatory Grief

Me and my husbands world also revolve around each other ,we do everything together and when we thought he'd gall bladder cancer at Christmas(thankgod it wasn't) I fell apart and couldn't imagine a life without him in it...it's all I've really known ....

You say at worst he's 1 year at best 10....try and focus on the at best ,drs do get things wrong and no one really knows how many more tomorrows any of us have.Dont let thoughts of what might happen spoil and tarnish the now ,even though the now is at this moment frightening .

I’m so so glad your husband doesn’t have the gallbladder issue and really hope he is ok and well x 

Thank you for the kind words, i’m fighting to stay in the present but it’s harder some days and thank you for the link 

Yes he's ok just waiting for his gall bladder out ,scheduled for June.My blogg is just me rambling on ,my dad was diagnosed with parotid gland cancer 12 weeks ago ...the blog helps me process and get random thoughts out of my head...it does help.

Hi

My Husband has kidney cancer which has progressed despite over nearly 4 years of treatment- immunotherapy, radiotherapy, TiVo and Cabo. The Cabo hasn't worked and there's progression of the evil cancer. It's crap doing my best to care for him but it's so hard. I feel like you with the anticipatory grief. Sending you love xx 

I’m sorry you’ve been on a similar journey - i send so many hugs xxxx

Life has lost its meaning for me. Nothing matters anymore. We are waiting on my wife’s PETCT results and my mind is in overdrive. I can’t sleep, eat shower. Work has been supportive but I don’t know how long that will last. My head is full and there is no respite. I find myself bursting in to tears whenever I’m alone. This is so hard

I’m so sorry Matra - the only thing amongst all this that does keep me going is making sure i am eating (not perfectly just nutrition), sleeping (whenever i can ) as if I fall and fail completely even with the grief my husband suffers for it and he’s suffering enough. 

Im saying this after a sleepless night and body full of pain but im going to try my best again today. Im just so sorry x

Thank you Amy, I hope you have a better day 

Be kind to yourself and do reach out for support - it is so hard and i’m so sorry as know this is painful 

This path you are all on his so hard, its relentless and yes your own care is si important but we overlook it. My husband was given 12-18 months when his cancer had spread, despite everyyhing they threw at it, he got 12. Its heartbreaking to watch people you adore fade away, and yes you do start grieving, from the very day ( ingrained in my memory) they say its terminal and then the day they say there is no more treatment, is the day you lose hope(at least I did anyway). 

All i can say is you are stronger than you think and please grasp any support availabke with both hands. Whether thats family doing a shop, a neighbour offering to cook or a hospice who offered me night sitters so I could sleep in a bed ( i was on the settee as he had a hospital bed oiwnstairs)

Make nemories when you can, even little ones, like a trip out ir s visitor if they are not able to get out. Do video calls if family are scattered.

Much love to you all, its good there is a place to talk, I wished I had used it this time last year when he was deteriirating so quicklu. Xx