Stupid and possibly insensitive question sorry- about being told prognosis

Hi Ice. Its not insensitive, or stupid, but a very real thing that is on your mind.

I can only share my own experience. We were told the cancer had spread at my husbands 3 month check up. He said it was aggressive and treatment might only slow it down and then asked if we wanted to know how long. We did. Some people dont.

You can ask the oncologist about the type of tumour. They are doing surgery so they obviously think its worth trying to remove. 

 Even if its incurable doesnt mean an imminent death sentence. My husband was told 12-18 months and got 12. But others may have an incurable cancer for many years. 

Hope the surgery goes well

I dont know whether I would want to know or not.  I suppose knowing would involve some planning and ticking off things you wanted to do while you still can.

All I know is that his paperwork said 'not curative'.

So Im just living day to day and using this forum as a lifeline.

Living day by day is all you can do. I did want to know, my husband didnt but he accepted that I did.  It did help us to have some extra short breaks and to take time from work. But its not for everyone.

Yeah, I want to but my husband doesn't. As he keeps telling me. It's HIS cancer so I have no say (which is tough)

Janice was always clear she never wanted to know and I really struggled with that. Nobody could have guessed how she would respond to the chemotherapy though and now we are over 10 years down the line, her cancer is stable and we just get on with life. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Ice 

Have you been in appointments with him? It may be that he's not sharing or not remembering everything, which can happen in appointments. It's so easy to be told 10 things and come out remembering two.

It might also be that he's said he doesn't want to share, which can be difficult, but (unfortunately) their choice.

Have you shared your worry (sorry if that's the wrong word) with him?

Yes I've been in appointments with him but he doesn't want me to talk. He doesn't want to talk about cancer except sometimes he'll say things about his driving licence (main bugbear), my terrible driving, stage 4, and that he's going to die.