I now care for my dad, who has stage four kidney cancer. I’m an only child, so it’s all on me, alongside working full time. As hard as it is, I’ve accepted that’s just how it is.
The bit I’m struggling with is the impact it’s having on my relationship. I think my partner probably feels overlooked, but I just don’t have the time or headspace right now. In my head, I’m putting everything into supporting my dad, so I almost feel like my partner should be looking after me for a bit (sorry if that sounds entitled - hopefully you know what I mean).
He is, in the ways he can. He does some of the practical things, which I really appreciate. I just find it hard when he gets frustrated with my dad for being stubborn or not seeming grateful. I know it comes from seeing what it’s doing to me, but I don’t need him to be annoyed at my dad - I just need him to be there for me.
I can feel it driving a wedge between us, and the weight of caring, working and all the emotional “what ifs” is really starting to take its toll.
Has anyone else found this? Or felt like people are trying to support you, but it just doesn’t quite land?
When my wife was first diagnosed I think one of the first impacts across the family was with my wife's sister-in-law. She had not long before been through her own cancer diagnosis and treatment and I felt like Janice's diagnosis felt a bit like bringing back uncomfortable memories.
Her brother did come round and give us some support for a while but then her sister decided to come too and things went down hill quite quickly ending up with a shouting match between her and me and that really did not help anyone.
On the "what if" frount, I did spend quite a bit of time on them myself but is was only really when I did a living with less stress course that I came up with the point that I was much better at imagining horrors than anything else and that was a good way of not enyojing things everyday. Something that brought that home was a major accident tocally where 6 people died at work - says a lot about “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, which is why we call it the present.”
<<hugs>>
Steve
Thank you so much for replying this quote is priceless 
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, which is why we call it the present.”
