New here, partner diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, no options given for chemo or radiotherapy

Hello, so sorry to hear this. It is understandable to have so mamy emotions spiraling through as well as thoughts in one go. I would sincerely say, spend time thats left and allow him to pass with dignity and comfort. Treatment is harsh and it would only make it worser as some people have extreme side effects, like my husband. We wish now he would not have chosen some.of the treatment. 

Ignore the house, do small things daily if you wish to keep busy, but none of this matters.. staying together while he is still here and remembering those together lived years is whats important.

Will - you can book a free will through Macmillan, they did it for both of us very quickly over the video call on the phone.

Wishing you strength

 Thanks for kind wishes, still shellshocked tbh but he is stable at present and not in any pain.  Hoping to make progress with getting help early next week, quite exhausted at present as have not been able to sleep and feeling a bit nauseous and like I haven't any bodily strength in arms or legs. Hoping that will improve as it'll have to, so no doubt it will  xx.   I will pursue online video will, may be able to do that via local Weston Park charity but if not will contact the Macmillan service as you suggest, sometime next week.  Trying not to feel I have to do everything at once as I simply can't, no matter how much I want to.  Wishing you both all the best in your situation also xx

One step at a time and be kind to yourself.

I am also nauseaus especially when getting very anxious, but trying to eat to keep strength. 

Will- I think I booked appointment online via Macmillan so did not even need to call anyone, was straightforward and then had days before the appointment. Will see if I can find a link if that helps.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate/gifts-in-wills/free-will-service/choose-your-location?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=free_will_service&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20371896178&gclid=Cj0KCQiAqeDMBhDcARIsAJEbU9SIdrjNXhtrtCp7_XEjNpTHg6IQb-vV9H554ZX_XynzNl5NgvjhMwkaAkhqEALw_wcB

Here is the link - Macmillan free will service

Hi HF696

So soory to read what you are going through, this is a tough journey, exhausting emotionally and physically.

You can ask about physiotherapy to see if thete is any helo there. If you have a hospice, get referred in thete, my husbands had a gym but also had physios that could come out. Or occupational health or who can help with things at home.

Definitely do that will in case you cant get married, because if you dont and there are no children, any of his assets may end up with a relative like his sister. It must be possible to trace a decree absolute as its a public record.  If you own your own home, make sure it is in both names. Please do this. Im sure Macmillan or citizen advice can help you if the cancer care charity cant.

Regarding junk, is there a space like spare room shed or garage where things can be mived to so you can make one living space comfortable, then tackle the rest as and when you are ready. Often community volunteers can help. 

You can ask for a carer assessment, they can take a while, ours sadly came in after my husband died.  Also attendance allowance if not getting it already. You will get it fast tracked. 

You mention work, can you take some time off or reduce hours? Or can you consider carers to help you out?

Come here to talk if it helps, many of us have walked this road in one way or another. Its very lonely, and often people dont understand just how difficult it is.

Hugs coming your way x

Thanks for this. Sorry to hear of your situation. I retired in 2024 and haven't any contact with former workmates, I own the house which is more than overstuffed in every room including summerhouse, and had advice from central court service re asking for an expedited trace which I haven't acted on yet.  Will check physio and occupational health  options via cancer nurse and with hospice and also carer assessment and how to get one.  I was told I would get some info on what to expect, thought it would be a leaflet or booklet but it wasn't provided when we left the hospital appointment cane I was too shellshocked to notice.  I did get a small folder with Roy Castle charity info in but it wasn't very specific to local practical help as such.  Divorce was a very long time ago but I don't recall when, was legally separated for some years first and the records may only be on paper.  I will be pursuing the will and the records and am very grateful for your advice and understanding xx

Just a thought. A 14 day free trial at ancestry.com should find your d ivorce date, this would enable you to give the court an exact date for a trace. Might be worth trying.

Worth checking, didn't know it might be able to do that if not given personal data by individuals.

Hi HF

Your situation sounds heartbreaking and I’m sending you all my best wishes that you can find some solutions to at least a few of your concerns. 

My mum lives not far away from Sheffield. I know people who have used the services of St Luke’s Hospice up there. Their website says they help people across the Sheffield region. It adds:

‘In order to be referred to St Luke's, you need to have been diagnosed with a serious and progressive illness for which there is no known cure. The illness must also be well-advanced and not in its early stages.’

It might be worth adding them to the long list of people you have to contact.

I know what you mean about worrying about junk - I’m caring for my Mum and am constantly frantically cleaning and tidying before any kind of professional turns up - and frankly they don’t notice a thing as their priority is Mum. So put that worry to the back of your mind. It’s chaotic in Mum’s house too but I’m trying to tackle it by just clearing out a single drawer or half a shelf at a time in between caring duties. 

Wishing you all the best in these dark days and I do hope you manage to arrange your marriage.

Thank you for this and very best wishes to you and your mum.  I will ask Weston Park for a referral to St Lukes. I am afraid that the house is only barely functional though, as over many years we have turned into being more of hoarders than collectors, so disorganised and most things we are falling over would need a lot more space than we actually have to put away, major decluttering job,  so there are some likely health and safety issues with it.  What needs to be clean is clean but you can't  see a lot of floor anywhere tbh and we sleep on couches in the cluttered living room because the bedroom is full of guitars and clothing and spare mattresses...Thought we would have time to sort it out after I retired  as working from home much of the time since Covid until back end  of 2024 really wasn't helpful but was necessary to get enough pension for a future that is now going to be very different from what we believed. Hoping that we can pay someone to come in and help with that as well as things like fixing the central heating and many DIY jobs that have waited for years and are now a bit more urgent, but now in no sense a priority although I would want the place to look like a house lol.  Just terrified about it all  Will need help to keep him at home as he and I both want.  Just have no idea how long we've got