How do we process and get through this?

Hi amypug 

Im sorry to read you are going through this. 

It was similar for my husband who sadly did pass away in October. Its so hard when you just hear worse and worse news evvery time. 

Of course you hope and desperately want the treatment to work, have they given you any idea of the likelihood? My husband was told the first chemo ( after quite dramatic surgery), was 50/50  but it failed then the next one only had a limited chance of success. So we knew it was an outside chance. Of course the reverse side is that many people do well on treatment and live well for many years. 

Wirk wise, I dont know what group income pay is, but if an agreement was made, especislly in writing, then it should be honoured. Is there a union? Depending on you husbands age, there is a possibility of pension payment or retirement on ill health grounds, although it may be too premature for that.

How you cope? Well somehow you just do. I dont know how Ive got here after 3 years of rollercoaster then being his full time carer until he died, but Id do it again in a heart beat if it meant I got more time with him. 

I xan say, do anything you want to do, if sble. My husband didnt really have a bucket list but we did manage some nice short breaks in UK when he was able.

Certainly finding people to talk to, helps, so do come  here to chat. I wish Id found it sooner. 

Thank you for all your advice and insight - i’m so sorry to hear about your husband passing. I really really appreciate you taking the time with your response and wish i could offer more in return 

Hi do you by any chance have terminal illness insurance. When my hubby was told he was terminal I checked the insurance policy his financial advisor told him to get for us both & sure enough we were both both covered. I rang the company & they were very helpful. The payment was was delayed cos the consultant took ages to complete the forms. Unfortunately we only got paid out about a week before he died as hubby had a very aggressive form of oesophagus cancer & died just 3 months after diagnosis

So i spoke with the oncologist nurse this morning to talk more direct as my husband likes to process alone and first 

He has at best 10 years if the next treatment can slow it down and or maintain it enough. It is the more aggressive treatment from the previous and it depends if his body can cope with it. 

If that doesn’t work the last treatment is a true last resort which is very unlikely to work.

She mentioned clinical trials could be explored but those sometimes aren’t the right thing depending on the individual and cancer type.

If all else fails we have one to two years. She was gently helping me get there as he’s declined year on year.

They are proceeding to push for urgent maximum pip as we’d just received acceptance of weekly stipend. 

The advice has been to approach life insurance for payout now and make memories. She was clear this wasn’t because it’s written in stone but we are best making the most of whatever time is left 

The GIP is a bit like our critical illness contingency - i’ve spoken with a union rep today and hope they will do the right thing. 

It’s just so overwhelming 

Im so sorry Detty the payment didn’t come in time to enjoy it more together