My dad has been diagnosed with stage 3 kidney failure and the possibility of palliative chemo now no longer possible.
my dad has fought cancer for almost 40 years now 81, my mum has been the rock, carer and abused by dad for his own anger and fear.
I love my dad to bits and will support both as best as I can, but while my dad has nurses and a medical team to take care of him, my mum goes home to an empty house to rest before going back to support him.
she knows I'm there in a heartbeat, but what can I really do/help her with?
Hello Laststar70
I’m Steph and I’m part of the Online Community Team here at Macmillan. May I wish you another warm welcome to the Community.
I was sorry to read about your Dad's diagnosis and for everything you’re going through with your parents. It sounds like you're there for your mum and perhaps that's all she needs right now. Depending on how far away you live, this might mean keeping in regular contact, or more practical support at home.
Perhaps some of the members of this forum can help with some ideas of what has helped them as carers, when they have been in similar circumstances. Whilst you're awaiting a response from other members, I hope you don't mind me offering this additional support.
I was concerned when you mention that your mum was abused by your Dad through his own anger and fear. Although you love your Dad dearly and he has clearly been through a lot, abuse is never acceptable. We have some information here about cancer and domestic abuse with some ideas of additional support if you need it.
Macmillan has some information here to help support you when your loved one has cancer. Reading through this might give you some ideas of how you can help to support both your parents.
Please do give our Support Line a call to talk things through or to ask any questions you might have. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
On the Community, you might also want to join our family and friends forum for support. It’s another safe space for anyone supporting a loved one with cancer to share experiences and support one another and not restricted to Carers Only.
I noticed you had posted on the site quite late at night. In case you can't sleep and would like to chat, we have a new thread here called 'Awake and up all night' for members from across the Community to connect.
Please do keep posting in the Community, sharing your feelings and asking questions. I hope the Community helps to show you that you don’t have to go through this alone.
