Husband self-sabotaging

Hi wesurvived welcome to the forum and I am so sorry to hear what is happening for you right now. I hope you don't mind me saying but hubby doesn't seem to want people to help him but also needs everyone to help but him. I'm not sure that just letting the district nurse see how he is behaving isn't the worst thing you could do. If you are always having to clean up behind him then people that could potentially offer help won't know that it's needed if that makes sense. Xx

Hello Wesurvived,

I'm so sorry to hear the situation you find yourself in right now. How awful for you all. 

I do agree with Gail's reply though. Maybe it's time for you to be let the professionals see what you are having to deal with (I'm pretty sure your husband isn't the first person they've seen behave like this!) they maybe able to offer some support/help to you. 

Cancer is a wicked, wicked disease and it does make people act and do things they would never normally do. Maybe your husband is struggling with accepting his diagnosis? 

Whatever is going on with him you should not be cleaning up after him when he is capable of getting himself to the toilet. That is really not on. Please do speak to the community/District nurses, they are there for you to.

Look after yourself, take care. xx 

Now I feel awful: my husband was admitted to hospital with sepsis on Monday and died yesterday. I feel I was insensitive and horrible and if I'd phoned the hospital on Sunday then maybe they could have saved him. I feel I made him miserable by trying to get him to move. He couldn't talk from Monday but although I talked to him and explained how frantic I was, he did seem to say it was okay but maybe it wasn't?

He died quickly and peacefully and I talked all the time telling him how much I loved him , and what a wonderful father he was to our children, and how sorry I was for not seeing sooner that he was ill. Maybe sepsis should be flagged up more?

Sorry. I'm wrecked and distraught. 

My heart goes out to you.  Please know that you did what you could. I have felt like you did. Don’t let the guilt in. It has no place in what you felt for your husband. All best wishes x

Oh Wesurvived,

Bless you. I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.

Please, please don't feel guilty. How were you to know what was going on? You're not medically trained and even if you were sepsis is hard to diagnose without swabs, blood tests etc. 

Your husband will have known you were trying to help him and do the best for him....you wanted him to move to keep him going and not give up, to keep him well and mobile for as long as possible. Not because you were being mean or insensitive. Please don't let those thoughts in.

You were with him at the end and I'm sure he found you being with him, talking to him and holding him a huge comfort. They do say the hearing is the last sense to go, so he will have heard you.

You are still in complete shock and your emotions will be all over the place. Please be kind to yourself.....you had your husbands best interests at heart and were doing your very best for him. 

Sending love and strength to you and your family at this incredibly sad time. xxx