So So Lost

Hi candy57 

Reading your story I am not surprised that you feel lost, just about every on here will recognize that feeling and we often talk about the feeling of loneliness.

I think it might be helpful for you to talk to someone on the helpline here and check you are both getting all the support you are due.

If you call  0808 808 00 00.anytime between 8am and 8pm one of the expert staff on there will be able to support you and just that other voice can be so reassuring.

One thing we often note on here is the line of fitting your own oxygen mask first because we all need some help from time to time.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Candy, my wife has been diagnosed with Mestatic Melanoma and now a mestatic deposit.

i feel exactly like you. People forget that you are there and experiencing exactly the same as your partner. I find I don’t have the  support network I thought I did and agree sometimes it would be nice to just get a hug and told ‘I understand and am there’.

Hi thank you TheOne for understanding.It can be such a lonely place being the carer

.i try to cry when no one is around but the other day my daughter saw me.and when i told her i feel so lonely her reply was.mum just think how dad feels he is the one going through radiotherapy so he will be tired.like i dont know that.i am the one that leaves the house at ten and not back until about 4 doing a round trip to the hospital on public transport.

Sorry i know that sounds sefish on my part .but this has turned my life upside down too.i just wish sometimes someone would make me a cup of tea and say how are you.

I don’t think you are being selfish at all. It’s so understandable how you are feeling. My husband has stage 4 prostate cancer recently started more chemotherapy. He is going through it for sure but as carers we do too. Have you any friends or other family you could talk to? Your daughter is probably feeling very bad for her dad and worried herself but could show you a little more support. Sending you hugs. Xx

Thank you for all your replys,i dont have anyone to talk to.no friends .and my only other sister lives abroad.i do talk to her now and then but thats not the same now she dosent live local.

Sorry if this is sounding all about me but i thought i would try talking on here to see if it helps.

Yesterday when we were sitting at the station waiting for our train to take us to the hospital,we have to go every day for six weeks for hes radiotherapy for one moment i could have just walked in front of the train i wouldnt but i did have that thought just to stop this pain.how selfish am i .my husband needs me .how would that help him?

And now i feel so guilty,i know he would be there for me if it was the other way round.

Does anyone else have selfish thoughts or is it just me.

Feel the same my partner of 26 years has stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer  been told today its progressing and treatment will be stopping , been a hard 2 year journey lost some friends on the way , it sure is lonely I too have thoughts through my head , how to die easy ,cshould I take pills , jump in water etc then ishrug it off , I do have a history of mental health from my youth and I've been fine until now , I hate the world right now , but we must fight through this just got to 

Hello Candy57,

Your feelings are absolutely normal, I can relate to every single one.

From feeling lonely to selfish to wanting to die and feeling ashamed and guilty. Noone can fully get it. 

I am getting angry on my husband for no reason, I am shutting everyone out. I think it is hard for us emotionally as well as for our loved ones who going through whole treatment journey, they have physical pain on top of it.

I have not tried to call.Macmillan support yet but I think I might have to soon. Stay strong, sending virtual hug! 

Call them to talk and I believe they will be very understanding as we are all in the same boat that feels often like sinking ;( 

Thank you so much for all your kind words,no i havent called anyone yet.

We went to the hospital today again for my husbands radiotherapy and after that we went for some lunch.as already said we had to sell our house because we couldnt afford the mortgage.we are in one room at my daughters and i am trying to find somewhere more permanant to live,and all i get from my husband is i dont mind i will leave it up to you.and my daughter keeps saying are you looking.

i am so angry tonight at everyone.Sorry i just cant cope right now.

When we came back from the hospital tonight  and its a long day  on public transport. we left at 9 this morning my daughter didnt even ask us how did it go.

She was more concerned that her washing machine wasent working.

i bought her a candle tonight on my way in just a litlle token,she hasent even said thank you.

We have given everything to our daughter and this is the first time we have asked for help and it breaks my heart how mean she can be. 

Sorry i have made this all about me again.i am not even talking to my husband right now i am so angry .

I am so sorry your daughter is behaving the way she is. It’s inexcusable. Whatever the reason for it is, you must focus on trying to keep yourself as well as possible and on being there for your husband. It sounds like the more you try to communicate with her the more she will use it as a stick to beat you with. Perhaps calling the MacMilllan helpline will be of some comfort. X

Thank you JCoff for your reply.I love my daughter but right now i dont like her.It was my daughter who begged us to come and stay with her.thats the part i dont understand.

i think lots of us are grieving the future we thought we would have as in grow old together and support each other.and then you become all the support and its a very lonely and sad place.

My husband before he had to surrender hes licence was London black taxi driver and he did the knowledge of london which needs a very good memory and now sometimes he cant remember what i have said two minutes previous it just breaks my heart.

Sorry if all my posts are about me .It is just ,as i write them i am alone in my room in floods of tears and then someone will reply with a kind and understanding message and it really does help.So thank you.