So So Lost

Hi Candy57 and to anyone else who feels alone,

I'm so grateful for MacMillan and for this online discussion forum. It's the only place where I can find people who truly understands. At first my friends and colleagues were sympathetic but know I don't bother them cos I think they're fed up of me, it's cos they haven't experienced this, so they don't understand. If you ever need someone to talk to, the MacMillan helpline is super friendly and supportive.

My dad has terminal bowel cancer, it's been a roller-coaster, many ups and downs, family arguments. It's made me a stronger person because I had to learn to make friends with all the difficult emotions I was feeling. My diary is my best friend, I just write and let it all out. But it is a tough journey, I've got a dry eye problem cos I've been crying so much over the past year. It's sad to say this, but I've learnt to be best friends with myself because I can't talk to my friends. 

As for your daughter, it's really nice she's letting you stay at her place. It's a shame she sounds insensitive. I don't want to make up excuses for her. I'm having issues with one of my brothers as well, his actions make me think he doesn't care and he's not helping out as much. But I know that deep down he cares, maybe he doesn't know how to handle the situation, maybe he is a selfish person. I don't want to have a chat with him about it incase it leads to an argument. Or maybe I've just misunderstood him and my expectations are too high. But I know that at the end of the day, we are family. 

Having a loved one diagnosed with cancer turns your life upside down. I hope you can find the strength and inner peace to handle things. There's always someone hear to listen. Take care!