New here. Husband been diagnosed

Thanks D66 and Larra1.

I am glad (?) to be seeing the consultant on Monday as we'll have a sort of battle plan coming out of that appointment, even if it doesn't start for a couple of weeks.

Trying to find that balance between not looking too far ahead and the need to plan for some things.  I'm needing to leave my job as it wouldn't be compatible with caring for him at all (manager of a small charity).  How to manage the kid's home education, making sure she is able to do her activities, handling finances that might take a hit, getting someone to mow the grass, me doing all the dog walking, etc.  Feeling like we need to have a Plan B for things. 

Struggling too, with the kid who's already missed a lot because of surgery/hospital/appointments.  We've talked with her (age 12) about what's going on and told her everything she wanted to know, thus far, but I'm not sure about relaying info about genetic testing.  It's pretty heavy for 12.

It is really difficult to juggle work, children and try to keep all plates spinning.  I sometimes find it overwhelming. Macmillan nurses are amazing and they might be able to help you with how to approach things with your 12 year-old. X

. My partner has been diagnosed with an aggressive bone cancer for which there is no effective cure or treatment, just morphine to help manage pain. 
We’ve been in shock since we were told this as he had made a good recovery last year from surgery for cancer of the parotid gland and we’d understood he was going to be okay. It feels like we’re living in a never ending nightmare  and I’m feeling totally overwhelmed. Don’t know how to cope.

My wife has cancer for the second time and in the last 4 years we have had about one good year. She will be living with cancer as will the rest of the family. praying, working out and building my life around our children has started to make the nightmare a bit easier. try to enjoy the small wins, an hour chat that is not about cancer is a win sometimes. hope this makes sense. 

Thanks for your reply. I seemed to cope better first time as we were given a plan and some hope but this time I struggle not to just curl up and cry.  My partner is so frail and had changed so much so quickly I feel I’ve lost part of him already.

I do pray that you, your wife and children can enjoy lots more good times together.

God bless.

We too, have been talking about enjoy the small wins.  Sometimes these are cancer-related (like that his job is very accommodating and we don't have to worry about money for awhile).  Others are more simple...the freakishly nice weather we had for a couple of weeks, for instance.

Hi all, just wanted to say that this is really helpful for me to get things of my chest with people that are in the same unapplied for club. I can relate to the changes being very quick and scary to see how the person you love changes physically and emotionally, and it gets harder to keep trying to reassure them that they are still beautiful and and the person you fell in love with. being strong for everyone around you is hard and it needs to be acknowledged by your self, so you can take little pit stops to get your self back on track. if you don't take care of your self you cant take care of others. be kind to you 

Sabbar

I  find your comments strike a chord as I too am finding it useful to have somewhere to open up about how I’m feeling. It’s easier to write it down as I become too emotional, tearful and incoherent when I’m asked how things are going. My partner is 6’3 to my 5’2 and has always been my great protector so finding myself washing, dressing and caring for him has been such a role reversal. It breaks my heart to see him so weak and sad. I’m going to try to take your advice and have a few pit stops now and then so I can stay strong for him.

Hi. I’m new here. It’s 3am and I am wide awake with my brain in overdrive. 
my husband was diagnosed with advanced bowel cancer about three weeks ago. He underwent a nine hour operation last Wednesday and has just come home. We saw the surgeon today before they let him out. The cancer is all over his liver, so further surgery is not an option. They will try to treat it with chemo. He also has a shadow in his spine.
He’s home, but he’s totally drained. Weak. Getting a shower was a challenge, as was climbing the stairs to come up to bed.  I’m concerned that if this is how floored he is following surgery, how will he cope with chemo?
I’m lying here thinking three months ago he had no symptoms, we had everything ahead of us -I’m so scared and just wishing I could wake up from this living nightmare?

Im carer to my dad (who also has cancer) after losing my mum to cancer six years ago. I had my dad back at the Western today. He’s going to get radio therapy in the next few weeks.

I feel exhausted just thinking about what lies ahead. How am I going to get through it all and hold down my job?! I’m worrying about my kids, money, my sanity…
I just don’t know how I am going to get through it.

I’m so very sorry to read this.  Completely understand being up through the night and worrying about everything and how to cope.  We do cope though, somehow.  I think the concerns about money and job, when facing a cancer diagnosis, are not really discussed much. It is a real worry if you are of working age and with a family to support.  I was terrified about this, alongside possibly losing my husband. We spoke to a financial adviser about our options.  That really helped to have suggestions of what we could do to pay the bills. I find now I am just numb.  I couldn’t cope with the constant worry so just had to switch  to ‘numb’ to get my husband through chemo and not to think too much about ‘what next’.