Husband terminal. Mood Swings. My emotions.

Hi LizzieB38 

Sorry to hear about your husband and the impact this is having on you both. You are so right to think about your feelings too. Something I find quite helpful is looking at your feelings when someone has cancer as being able to recognize these feelings and accept them as valid can help make them less overwhelming.

Posting on here can be helpful in letting out some of our own emotions and that can be helpful but sometimes it can also be helpful to for example talk to someone on the helpline. I got a lot of help from Maggies

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve, thank you for your response. I am doing an online course in dealing with grief. For me, the grieving process has already started, as I am losing him bit by bit. I'm only on Day 2 of the course, but am hoping that it helps. 

Thanks again. 

Hi, I've just been through the most awful 3 weeks with my husband. He's been so unkind in what and how he says things, shouting and swearing. He is now getting back to his more normal self and I'm trying to move on. 

You're not alone, and if you ever what to chat I'm here

Thank you Louise. I’m losing the will to keep going.

I feel your pain! I'm in a similar situation and it's so hard to bear sometimes. But somehow I manage my feelings while he doesn't!

It is really hard to be a carer and a partner, this forum is a safe place to share the challenges xxx

You can keep going, I bet you're doing an amazing job of looking after your husband. Sending you a massive hug xx

Hi Lizzie 

I read your message 1.30 am this morning, I couldn't sleep, I cried all the way thorough it as I could have written those very words. I thought this person was me ..... you quoted........ I don't know how to stop feeling my life is over too. My husband have aggressive brain cancer. He has no speech , our world has fallen silent and he has lost emotion. I feel so empty and alone. He has since become a danger to himself unable to accept he has to take medication he is refusing it. I am taking him in today as I just don't know anymore how to handle him. He too gets aggressive and its killing me. I rang Samaritans last nigh but would you believe got no reply      

I am so sorry. I hope your husband gets the help he needs today. This disease is cruel and it not only steals our loved one physically, it steals their personality and it steals our relationship with them. 

My husband has actually forced me out of our home. I had to call paramedics a while back, as he had stopped eating (through his tube by a pump), taking fluids and taking his meds. He was so depressed and saying he wanted to die. When I contacted the cancer ward, they said unless they spoke with him, they could not triage him. So finally, because he was sounding delirious and was getting verbally aggressive, I called an ambulance. They spoke with him alone and he told them he did not want me there and I should leave. Because of the aggression, they strongly advised me to go. I am staying with family. During this time apart, we have had periods where we've not communicated, and periods where we have been very close again. I don't want to be apart from him. It is very painful. He is now not communicating again. I lose him over and over again and the pain never ends.

I know my story made you cry, but in one way, that is good. You are not alone. What you are experiencing is absolutely heart-breaking. Your husband cannot speak, and has lost emotion - that is heart-breaking. You have been and are coping with the slow decline of the man you love. When we first get the diagnosis, we cope with that. Then treatment, we cope with that. Then recovery, we cope with that. All the time, we are not living a normal life. For months (8), I never had a break, I never felt I could leave him for longer that 1/2hr. I reached out for help from his family, but he would not accept it. In the end, we can only do what we can do. We are also victims of this disease and we want to help and support our loved one, not out of duty but out of love. We get damaged in the process and we too need love and support and most of all, understanding and to not be judged. I  hope that you can find that here. 

Let me know how you get on. 

We do manage our feelings, because we have to. I am sorry you are having a tough time too. I am so glad that we have this forum. At times, it has been a real life saver for me in terms of my emotional well-being. x

Here I go again, relating in exact terms to what has happend in your life because the same almost identical is happening in mine. Dear lord it is true I am not alone with my feelings nor sadly with my story. Yesterday I felt I wanted to end my own life as things where so painful I even searched online the best way to end it and here I am talking with someone who utterly knows and understands as sadly your story is mine. It's a horrible way to find strength, but I have through your kind and honest reply.  To add to all of this I was born deaf and now have partical hearing in one ear making hearing the few words he does utter even harder. Thank you for sharing your feeling and life with me and thank you for making me feel it is not just me. I so wish you strength to carry on . Please keep in touch xx