My husband has a terminal prognosis - 6-12 months with immunotherapy. Most of the time I feel completely lost, sad and hopeless. He has massive mood swings, which mean I am feeling like I have to be calm and not express my emotions (including anger at times. I honestly don't know how to get through this. I love him so much and want to spend the time he has together, making memories and being a loving couple. However, this seems impossible when I can't be 'fully me'. I feel I have to be perfect. That I have to be calm. I don't feel calm. I feel that i am on a roller coaster and I can't get off. I don't want him to die. I don't want him to suffer. I want to love him the best I can and give him all the support he needs. I am failing. He is loving and kind one minute and then angry/distant/cold/quiet etc the next. I understand he is experiencing the very worst situation a person can face. I do understand. But I don't know how to stop feeling like my life is over too. I have these huge feelings, this dread, this pain in my heart that does not go away. I am angry at life.. I am sad. I am lost. How do people get through this? Hearing him talk about his funeral is so painful.
