I dont know if I'm strong enough for this

Hallo. I'm new to all of the sh*t as well. I lurch between 'I'm fine' and being so devastated by my husband's illness that I can hardly function. The prospect of Christmas is too depressing, and I am increasingly just loosing my temper with people, especially at work, and then being overwhelmed with guilt about that. Its all so overwhelming I feel like screaming

I understand how you feel. My husband is terminally ill and i'm really struggling with it all. He was diagnosed last April but it's only in the last few months that he's started to really deteriorate. Every day feels like a struggle but I find just taking it hour by hour is the only way to cope and get through it all. Sending you lots of love xx

Anger is a natural reaction to loss, loss of control, loss of the vitality in the person you love, loss of the life you both had before cancer.  Some days are overwhelming and you doubt your ability to cope on any meaningful level, but cope you must and once the anger has subsided a little it will gradually become easier.   Give yourself time and permission to feel that way you feel, give voice to your feelings with people who understand.  Don’t expect too much and take each day one at a time,  It is all any of us can do to keep putting one foot infront of the other, but if we concentrate on just taking one step at a time, we will find ourselves walking.  Please accept my love and wishes for you to find your way x

I don't think there is a 'how to' book to read on this - but we do it because we love the person involved. The disease is just awful, and you are doing a great job. If you really do start to feel overwhelmed, talk about the entire situation with your medical team.

I looked after my wife during the course of her illness. She was a brilliant and stoic patient - but of course there were occasional problems. However, she died just over five weeks ago - and how I wish I still had those problems now!

I send you love, and best wishes. As well as looking after your husband, make sure you are kind to yourself.

Sending condolences x 

Hi friends,

I think some years ago I found I was not strong enough - because I broke, I walked in to my local Maggie's centre a wreck.

Could they fix the wreck - well no but they help me identify the next step - the one thing in my life that could take a little bit of pressure off me - my GP helpfully agreed and I was signed off work for a little while until things got a bit more stable (fortunately my employer has a reasonable sick pay policy!).

Later I did a living with less stress course. Realised I was deep in pre-grief working out how to cope when my wife was gone and not getting the most out of my time with her - and that was a waste. Life still likes to throw us curve balls and the breathing exercises I learnt are really helpful at times like that.

In my workplace now people sometimes call me inspiration and ask how do I cope - well so far I have managed to survive everything life has thrown my way - tomorrow will likely bring another challenge but today we did ok.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi…I’m feeling all this too. Husband came out of hospital yesterday after a two week stay. Dehydration, malnutrition , pneumonia….etc. He has secondary cancer of the Oesophagus. I am totally exhausted, emotionally and physically. There’s days when I really want it about ME…selfish I know. I’m working, and really finding it hard to concentrate now. So I’m giving in and going to see my GP.

jude

My wife died of secondary oesophageal cancer. It is a terrible disease. I send you love and best wishes.

And please - never think of seeking any help (whether it's from your GP, or from anybody else) as 'giving in': it absolutely isn't. This disease takes both sufferers and their carers to places which neither ever want to go, so asking for help whenever you think you need it is both the correct - and the brave - thing to do.

Jude, you are not giving in. You are looking after yourself, if you don’t look after yourself how can you look after someone else. Let your GP help. Mine have been amazing as as I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for a very long time I have some extra medication as a back up for when it overwhelms me. I’ve not had to use it often but I know it’s there and that in itself takes a little pressure off. Have you been referred to the wellbeing service? I’ve found that helpful too. 

Hi all, I am so pleased I found this thread you are all saying exactly how I’m feeling! 
I feel so guilty for feeling so bad when my husband is facing his own mortality. 
I am so scared of being alone and how I can support my children through this when I am falling apart! I feel guilty for so anxious and stressed while I know I should be enjoying the time I have with him while he’s well. I am struggling to cope and find support from anywhere everything seems so hard to find, I wish there was a local meet up but can’t find anything in my area