Thanks PC ... you have wrecked our lives our marriage and our will to go on

Hi Quitit23 

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I understand so much my partner of 25 year has stage 4 metastases to bones , diagnosed year half ago , on hormone and had chemo , our lives had changed he can't walk had to leave his job , I felt like you and still at times still do , I want to run away , nobody seems to care about the carer , I might be losing my job but can only work nights due to caring in the day as older child at home on evening , so added stress of how to pay morgage etc , so I know how you feel its important to try and take time on your own,  it's hard I get it by the way I'm 48 , take care 

I can only imagine how he feels then. I guess his thoughts are just to stay alive.

We've spoken before, I'm 1 year in, first anniversary of implant 5 days ago, and despite all those things you say, we are still together and surviving on a diet of cynicism and black humour. My wife is 42. 

There are no words to help you that i can think of. The usual platitudes of "I know how you feel" really don't cut it. But all i can say is there is still intimacy in our marriage, just not the same as we had 9 months ago. As i said before, I despair for my wife, its not her fault, in fact its not mine either, it just is. It exists so we have to cope, ignoring it wont help. 

In 2 years it will be a distant memory, once off the hormones, hell gradually come back, you have to decide if you can wait. The radiotherapy wont really change him, it just makes you feel a bit yuk as it progresses, its the hormones that are the enemy. 

There are options. Unpalatable to many but they exist and allow you to stay and support. There are always solutions, it just takes time and effort to seek them out.

Mal

Hi Tina

I too lost my job, well I was on contract, but always hope for extension.  It didn't happen.  Close to bankruptcy so also have the financial anxiety.  

Hubby won't be able to work when it gets bad.  I can't even drag myself through a day atm.  You and I are almost the same age, I had a birthday last month, and we have also been married 28 years.  So the bleakness is long and difficult to see through.   I know both Hubby and I are grateful for the state of his cancer being localised but they keep bumping his status from 6 to 7, then bang 8.  Saying it has to be treated so aggressive before it jumps.  What are they saying?  

I can't get my head around it. We're both absolutely broken, and in so much pain.  It's impossible to see clearly.  I have known people having cancer and it wasn't until recently that I realised that not once, ever, has anyone ever asked the partner how they are.  And PC is just the one that affects both. 

Brutal.

Hi

Yeah, I honestly thought I was all composed.  Clearly I had no right to even think that.

I never put this out last time.  After years of unwavering respect and trust in our marriage, 4 years ago, hubby inadvertently had what I considered an "emotional affair".  It's absolutely rocked me.  Left me vulnerable and extremely insecure.  In response to that intermacy was part of the healing process.  It was never an issue before.  Neither really felt the importance of it and ticked along just fine.  As time went on I got better but everytime he couldn't I felt vulnerable and it is a vicious cycle.

So then this.  As you can see, it's damaging.  He didn't mean too, he says.  And neither of us deserve cancer to call.  He has to get well, of course.  But my MH is shattered.  

I can't bare the thought of intervention.  It makes me feel disgusting, like I have to beg for something to help me feel less disgusting and undesirable.

He's as broken as I am.  This is why I can't say I see anything from here.  I just keep thinking what would have happened if I had done what he did, then I got cancer. 

Hi, I just read your post and the replies. I just want you to know, as someone with a partner with terminal cancer, reading your post was like listening to myself. We are heartbroken and grieving. No, we aren't the ones with this hideous disease but that doesn't mean that are pain is in any way less. The loss is just as real for us and living through this is one of the worst things I've ever endured. Plagued by guilt because you should be only thinking of them, they have cancer and you're well. You can't lose yourself