Stay at Home Mum

Hi SAHM,

It’s Megan here from Macmillan’s Online Community team. I saw your post and wanted to offer some support whilst you are waiting for other group members to reply.

I’m sorry to read what’s brought you to join the Carer’s only forum. When being there to support a loved one it’s important you have access to support for yourself. I hope you have found reading other conversations in this group helpful.

Our Community groups are safe and supportive spaces to ask questions, chat to others and talk about how you are coping. If you have questions about the experiences others have had with being diagnosed and treating melanoma, you may wish to join and post in the Melanoma forum.

I wanted to ask if your children are aware of what is happening in the family? Talking to children about cancer can be difficult, especially when they are so young so I wanted to share a link to our ‘Talking to Children when an adult has cancer’ booklet. You can view this online, download a copy or order it for free on the Macmillan website here.

The booklet includes information about managing difficult conversations and signposts to other specialist organisations for additional support. If your children go to nursery or school, you may also want to speak to their teachers so they can support them when they are with them.

If you’d find it helpful to talk, there are teams on the Macmillan Support Line that can lend a listening ear. They’re also there to provide emotional support, practical information and financial guidance and to get in touch, you can call 0808 808 00 00, use live webchat or email during the hours of 8am-8pm every day.

I’m sure others in the group will be along to share their personal experiences with you soon. If you need any help using the Online Community or finding additional support, please email community@macmillan.org.uk or send a private message to the Moderator account.

Hi SAHM 

I saw your post and felt deeply for you but the overlap between us seemed quite low. It is my wife who has cancer, Leiomyosarcoma, and she is a stay at home mum (a really hard job with poor pay!) but I am an employee. When Janice was first ill our only son was only a little older than your children so I at times did have the wonder of balancing caring for my wife and my son.

My wife was initially told the only treatment possible would be chemotherapy but that was often not effective against her kind of cancer. The first round actually caused some rather nasty side effects - but they were fixable. The second round of chemotherapy managed to make her cancer stable - we have been living with cancer now for about 7 years.

Cannot really help with the owning your own business bit, don't know if the benefits advisers here might be able to assist on that.

Hopefully your husband will respond well to treatment and that things look a bit brighter soon - some days still suck but somehow together we cope.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi SAHM,

I hope you're doing ok. I just wanted to say hello because there are some similarities in our situations.

My husband has been diagnosed with testicular cancer. He's had surgery and his first oncology appointment will be this week, when I'm hoping we'll find out how the next few months will look. We already know that he is going to need chemotherapy.

I'm also a stay at home mum. My boys are 5 and 7 yrs and very lively. We don't have any family locally and my husband doesn't want people staying with us so I'm quite stressed about how I'm going to support him and look after the boys. I'm also worried about the future if my husband can't work. I used to work but left when my youngest was born and we moved for my husband's career. I've tried to get back into work a few times without success. Most recently I've been doing a bit of work from home, but it's no where near enough to support the family.

I'm sorry that I can't provide any wisdom or advice, but I do share some of your worries.

Hi Kiki02,

thank you so much for you response to my post. It’s a very lonely existence at the moment so thank you for sharing your situation. 

My husband hasn’t begun treatment yet so don’t know how he will respond. I’m trying to do everything in my power to keep him healthy. Control what we can control. Even though I have full faith in the treatment, I still feel like we need some control over this hideous disease. 
I’ve spent countless hours researching and talking with various professionals to try to learn about it all. A lot of it makes interesting reading so has made us look at things slightly differently. 

However, I can’t help but look at my boys and this wave of panic comes over me that there’s a chance they will grow up fatherless. It’s that what terrifies me. 

I wanted to be a SAHM - my husband runs a business which I have no clue how to run myself. My two boys are aged 2 and 4 - not even in full time education so I would be limited in what I can do. 

I’ve heard the term “struck by a rainbow” meaning that some miracle happens. I’m hoping this happens for us and your family. 

Wishing you peace in this turmoil

x 

Hello Sahm

I'm really sorry about your husband, I'm in a very similar situation so can imagine what you are going through. My husband was diagnosed with melanoma in October 22 growth on his scalp been removed in December and January with clear CT results, unfortunately follow up scan in march reviled enlarged lymph nodes in his neck, went for biopsy on Monday and awaiting results. My husband physically feeling fine,still working full time.It's a very stressful and worrying time for us. I'm also staying home mum with two boys 5 and 14,no family in UK. 

I hope your husband medical investigation will bring a bit of hope to your life.

Stay strong xx