My lovely wife Caro is coming home to die, and we both want this to be as good as it can be, for her, for me, for the rest of the (large) family and for all our friends.
The wonderful oncologist and Macmillan nurses at the hospital came to her bedside on Friday to tell us there was no more they could offer but the end-of-life care at home (where we both want it to be). I love the fact that they have been so straight and clear through all of this. At our very first meeting in September Dr Chan said clearly "you need to put your affairs in order" and we did.
We have taken all the practical steps and are finding out how best we can set up our home. We should have had 20 or 30 more years but the last 23 have been wonderful (and in a way, still are). It would be disrespectful to all this joy to die with rancour.
I also cannot say enough to praise all the family and friends who have offered help in whatever way they can. She is having visits from as many as she has energy for, and loads of them are making sure I look after myself.
We have been through all the 'it's not fair' bit but there is no motive or mind in cancer and it has no idea it's being unfair. We just want to have a good last time for all of us. It may be a few weeks and is unlikely to be through all the Spring, given the speed of spread we have seen, but we will live this and die this with hands held and strong love. To all of you on the same part of the journey as us, I wish you patience, strength and peace.
Thinking of you all and sending hugs your way.
gail
