Can't cope

Thankyou  for responding we all need so much support my partner is waiting for a brain scan result and we are so scared .

I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you both, it is a scary time but we are here for you if you need to talk xx

Thankyou  so much.

It’s a position that no one wants to find themselves in.    I just feel a rollercoaster of emotions sadness and anger are the main ones.     I feel so damn angry when I look at my lovely mum that’s her spent her whole life doing things for everyone else and I feel rage.     There hasn’t been a day in the last few weeks that I haven’t cried.     I try to do it when I’m in the shower or when I’m away from people.    I’ve even had to stop the car and pull over as I’ve started crying when I’m driving it’s the worst feeling isint it.       I want to look after her and do the best I possibly can by her so I try to keep her going as she doesn’t want to talk about it which I have said to her if you want to talk about it at any time I’m here 24/7 but if you don’t then that’s fine too.     Everything is about her now.    My whole world has changed its as you say consumes everything you wake up to it then you go to sleep with it.      I woke the other morning thinking it had been a nightmare and for a split second felt relief then I rembered your mind can play cruel tricks on you.     I suffer from anxiety too which does not help but am going speak to my doctor to increase my medication as i know people say look after yourself but that’s easier said than done.      To be honest nobody knows about my mum yet I don’t even know how I’m going tell my friends I know they will be a support however none of them have been Through this.    It then starts the constant how is your mum doing?   I can’t be bothered with that.     I know that sounds maybe harsh but it’s just the way I feel.      I’m sure you are all feeling these emotions too.   That’s why I come on here a lot as I take a lot of comfort from it.     Thanks for listening to me rant.   I’m here if any of you want to talk.   Thanks again 

Hi rebecca

i know it’s awful having to face this again the last time it was caught early had treatment and that was it.     She just had been suffering back pain and a ct picked it up to say we we are devastated is an understatement.    She looks so well.     It’s never off my mind at any time of the day it’s like a darkness is hanging over you.    It’s just breaking my heart.   The pain is terrible.   Sending best wishes to you and your mum.   Here if you need to chat. 

Hiya, yes I have a family I am her main carer my brother is very distant about it all so it's mostly me and my sister in law who has been great I know I'm not actually alone just feels like it. I'm not sure if I have a Maggie's center what is it and how would I find it. I'm supposed to be going back to work next week iv told them I'm only going to do 16 hours a week but even that sounds impossible at the moment but everyone else thinks it be good for me to have something else to focus on so that's prob the only reason I'm concidering it coz really I want to give up on everything. My mom is starting to sleep more to as well but I said to her the other day if we can just enjoy five minutes out of that day then it's worth it if we laugh for five minutes or don't talk about bloody cancer for five minutes watch a bit of TV then it's something so maybe you and your mum could try the five minutes to. Thank you for chatting with me I really really appreciate it more than you know x 

Hi there, Its ok to get upset Infront of them they are not stupid and they will know your hurting to and sometimes it's good to see that I think so u both know how u feel. I was like that I still am some times but slowly getting better at hiding it some days it's harder to hide it than others. But be open about how u feel even if it's only on here I think we need to keep open and speak how we feel right now. Sending u lots of love x

Thankyou  its my first day posting so am so pleased for your replies and support thinking of you all xx

Yes iv been exactly the same sobbed in the bath in my car a lot just went mental crazy in my car. It isn't fare I'm so angry at life to I even think why didn't it happen to someone else not that I want it to but I can't help it. My mum is very open about it which is good in one way we met with the funeral people and she has planned it all which I'm glad she is having exactly what she wants and many people don't get that but it's still so so hard. People have started to know about my mom the last two weeks and I won't lie it's so difficult I'm sick of people asking well how's your mum I want to say well she's still f***ING dying how do u think she is. But I know they mean well but I can't take any more how is she how are u I got an answers that were different from yesterday I'm still doing shit thanks I sound like a right meanie I'm actually not I promise. But it's hard I'm avoiding people at the moment as much as I can and I can not do big crowds right now at all it's to much. I completely get where your coming from I also had a similar experience I had a dream the other night that it was all wrong and she was fine and even in my sleep I swear I felt my shoulder and back just relax for the first time in weeks but unfortunately I woke up and it was real again. Your mind does play cruel tricks.i read some where to start a journal so maybe that worth a try for you to. To write how you feel get it out. 

Sending u lots of love and thank you to for listening to me 

It is so scary that a lot of people only found out through something like back pain and a scan, my mum found out from an x-ray at the dentist which led to CT and MRI scans that found the lung cancer.

What you said in response to Darling34 puts it all into words better than I ever could.

This is the first time I've spoken to people in a similar situation and I am so grateful, it's exactly what I've needed to not feel so alone.

Tell you friends, even if it is just the close ones. Tell them you won't always feel like talking about it but you might need their support and I'm sure they will understand.

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