Struggling to cope

hi, I came here looking for similar reassurance and not sure I can be much help to you. But I wanted to say thank you for sharing your feelings - I know I'm not the only one, but it's good to be reminded about that.  I'm sure your children are really good it for you too, with them keeping things normal for you as well as the other way round.  If I'm feeling overwhelmed I try to take a few deep breaths and look around at the good stuff, because it is there. And I'm trying, not very well, to find times when I remember I'm me and not him.  I make to-do lists, because when I'm really worried I can't focus (I don't necessarily do all the things on the list, but at least it's a hook).  When my partner's diagnosis was new last October, I had a lovely couple of hours 'off' every week by getting completely hooked into Strictly.  Anyway, very good luck, it's tough but in your own ways you will cope and so will your mum x

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it is comforting to know there are people out there who understand. I am sorry for what you are going through but thank you for the advice….I am also a fan of the dancing and should make more “me” time to chill and reflect on the good times. X

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I read somewhere that crying helps get rid of stress hormones, so having a good cry helps. I now have a little cry every morning and then put on my make-up along with my brave face. It helps me get through the day.

Taking frequent moments to do breathing exercises or appreciate nature or just stare into space helps. Yoga helps. My weekly zoom call with my close friends helps - sometimes we talk about my situation, sometimes we don't.  I've spoken to the Macmillan helpline once, they were happy to listen, but I didn't feel quite ready to open up yet, but maybe you would.

Perhaps try being honest with your children in an age-appropriate way e.g. "Mummy's sad right now because Granny's not well" - its ok to be sad when things are difficult. They'll probably respond well and understand that rather than you trying to pretend you're ok - they will pick up on your mood anyway.

Thank you, hearing other peoples coping strategies helps but it also is comforting to know there are people listening who understand. I actually just broke down in front of my children and it actually helped to talk about how we were all feeling and what practical things we can do to help each other out.

Yoga is a great idea and I think just what my mind and body needs at the moment. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. 

you're a fab parent

Hi Polly & Everyone in this thread. I'm so sorry to read about your Mum and her news.

Its heart wrenching to leave your most loved person in the hospital and go home. I find myself saying goodbye for 20mins.

I've been keeping a diary since my partners leukaemia diagnosis, noting daily how I am feeling and trying to pick out some good points of the day too. Sometimes I need to look hard for those. Some days feel like I'm on autopilot.

Trying to get out for walks and feel fresh air in my lungs often, to appreciate the sometimes-beautiful autumn weather. Hospitals can feel really stuffy and claustrophobic. I too have joined an in person weekly yoga class & watching Strictly for the first time ever, I think it's good a feel-good factor. 

Things work differently for different people, see what you can find that brings you an hour of relief or joy. It's such a helpless feeling watching our loved ones go through this, but we need to look after our mental and physical health too. Otherwise, we would be no good to anyone x x x

Hi Sarah, I’m so sorry you are going through this heartbreaking situation also.  You are exactly right in the feeling of helplessness and wandering through life on autopilot…this is my day to day life. 

I think strictly and yoga seems to be a winning combination so I am going to make an effort next week to do both along with a daily walk. 

thank you for the advice and best wishes to you xx

hi

it is this most cruel disease ever.   My mum has just been given 3 months maximum - i feel that information makes her give up - i m terrified hpw we cope - i m trying to focus on putting one foot in front of the other - i wish you every strength you can find - i m struggling hour by hour xxxxxx

Hi, I am so so sad to hear your news. Yes it is heartbreaking and overwhelming but we are coping hour to hour also but I feel I could break at any moment. We haven’t talked time frame as I don’t think my mum wanted to know, I don’t know if it makes the process harder or not. For me it’s the not knowing and inability to plan anything or even think of what the future holds. Xxxx