Oh hell....

The wife is going to be calling people today, so I would expect so. We did get a name while we were in the diagnosis room, so maybe thats the one.

I get that - my nightmare is every time shes not by my side my mind starts envisioning what could end up happening. I can’t cope with the thoughts of ever being without her. It also tough/weird seeing the ‘good stats’ based on 10yr survival but I keep thinking she’s only 50 and what happens then?  What is life going to be like? - rounds and rounds of treatment watching decline and just existing. 

I also feel bad as people face much worse (as you can read on other blogs) but as this is the initial bit - is that where we’re headed? 

sorry for being low, consequence of waiting for first step - we had pre-op today and 1 week to go. Once we know what treatment I guess will be easier. 

A day off the worries would be nice but at least getting the odd couple of hours and even fleeting period where you forget what’s happening. 

Well, looks like our pre op is this Thursday. though we had to phone them up to get the info, as it hadn't arrived by that time. I've been told I have to get her from one hospital to another, which is now freaking me out as she is having the wire to guide them to the site. So wire implant in one hospital, drive 20 odd miles to the other for the op.

I just want it to be over and for her to come home and recover well (quickly would be a bonus, well is important). Hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Reality bites. Now coming in waves - herself crumbled yesterday (not helped by teenage dramas) and that really made me panic. There’s nothing I could do to offer splice or make it better. She did go to her first support group in person at Maggies centre and that helped a lot. Meeting people who’ve been through it etc.

On one hand I want to ask the kids (16,18,20) to help support emotionally  but also trying to brush it off so they don’t get the enormity of it. 

we are talking through it a lot but think I’m still lost and trying to fix (finding jobs around house that need doing appear to be a vent for that). Not sure where my head is at and feel thurs is going to turn me into a wreck. I’m not allow to go in and wait I have to just drop and then collect later. I’ve been advised to go and sit in maggies centre which I might do. 

Your travel between hospitals sounds upsetting but I guess it’s just a consequence of pouring more water into a full barrel of stress. Everything now causing overflow - anything big or small now does me in. 

When drowning do take a second to recenter - it’s all you can do. Remember you’re going though all this for a benefit of getting rid of the cancer and getting on with (albeit a new version of) life. 

I'll keep all fingers and toes crossed that it goes as smoothly as it can on Thursday for you both. I'd not considered not stopping at the hospital - I'll have to check that one out, thank you.

My wife's two adult children are living away from home, so they haven't seen the strains as of yet, so at leaset we are spared the teenage dramas. I have to sit down with her tonight and fill in the will paperwork (we don't have one yet) so that's going to be a conversation.

Best of luck to you both. We can do this. For them, and for ourselves.

Definitely pop into the Maggie's Centre if you can - you know the people there really will understand what you're going through. Also what's not to like about a beautiful place with decent hot drinks and wi-fi.  

It's your call with your children, but if I were you I'd involve them - they'll pick up the vibes anyway.  Your wife and you need everyone to be pulling in the same direction. And even though this is horrible on all levels, it'll make them feel valued and they'll be stronger people in the end.  But I'm not an expert - maybe worth talking about this with someone at the Centre?

I really hope things go well for you all this week.

Good luck with your preop, it was mostly for herself as I had little to do - even not allowed to drive as she wanted to do all that before having to stop. 

Going in in the morning and now it really hitting me - triggered by Jonny Cash playing on the radio so had no resistance left. Can’t hide anymore. Took dogs for a walk and just cried. No more talking as we’re just sick of it now and want it gone. 

Thank you! We have involved the kids with the facts but not the concerns, so I think it as good as we can. This is all on the back of a difficult medical journey for my daughter who hasn’t recovered so trying to shield - both her and my younger son went through a lot over the summer with hospital visits (daughter was admitted for weeks and almost died twice). I don’t know where I’ve had the strength from but it’s about all used up. 
If the pathology shows lymph nodes I am really concerned about how we’re going to emotionally cope with chemo. 
trying to remain positive for now as all signs are good. 

So - op done and now we’re home recovering. While very strange with the emotional impact is really hitting home, there is an enormous sense of relief that it’s over - at least for now. 

Really pleased to hear the op went ok.