Considering leaving work

Hi Joy80

So sorry to read about what you have been going through and how your boss has been dealing with this. It is not difficult for me to see why you feel like this about your boss. Have you spoken to HR at all about how you feel and what support have they offered. You might also like to speak to one to the Work Support Service here - and even suggest to your HR department that they might like to do the same.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Joy80

Really sorry to hear everything you’re going through especially with an unsympathetic boss

As Src60 has mentioned talk to HR, and also your bosses manager to try and get your work load reduced. It may be easier going above his head. Some companies have access to a therapist or councillor so it may be worth seeing if they have those available for you. 

As carers we forget to take the time to care for ourselves, devoting all our energy to our loved ones and keeping on top of all the bills and other responsibilities.

ask your doctor to sign you off for a couple of weeks so you get chance to unwind from what’s happening and happened in the past, and process it. 

even if you return back on a part time basis. And if work still isn’t sympathetic you have the time and energy to look for somewhere else to work. 

Take some time out for you. Caring for a loved one is challenging and there’s an old add age that you can’t pour from an empty glass and yet that’s what we expect ourselves to do. 

reinvest some of your tiny amount of down time into a hobby or interest you have.

I recently found out that when I was supporting my husband through cancer I could have possibly gotten some help from adult social services just to take some strain off. 

I hope you find the best route for you, and that you look after yourself, and you’re kind to yourself. It’s a lot that you have on your plate right now and even in the past. 

sending you virtual hugs x

Dear Joy80

i understand your anger and what a thoughtless and horrid message from your manager. It appears he has never experienced the intense caring you are doing. I hope you don’t act from anger but instead plan out an approach that allows you time to recover from his harsh words and use your organisations HR structures to your advantage. 
I was in a similar position to you in 2017, the only child of a single mum, and during her final weeks I drove home 160 miles at 6.00 am from my mother’s house to my office to start work at 8.00. My colleagues were unaware I was doing this until I fell asleep at my desk. 
when I explained what was going on I was sent straight home and given two weeks compassionate leave. I then arranged leave for the next two weeks. My mother died during this period. 
I then became unwell myself with shingles ( surprise surprise ) and was signed off. My colleagues picked up the slack and when I eventually returned their kindness was overwhelming. 
I tried to keep things quiet but in the end letting everyone know the truth of how dire things were was the best policy. 
As an only child I realised I always hid my needs. Try not to. Hope things go ok. 
take care

M 

Hi Steve, thanks for signposting me to the work support service, I'll contact them tomorrow. I did contemplate contacting HR but always feel they're usually on the side of the employer rather than the employee. I have taken dependency leave but if I need to take more leave I'd either have to use annual or unpaid leave, I think those are my only options at the moment, that or sick leave. 

Use any leave you can. Sick leave and actual leave. You will never have this time with your mum again, but the job will always be there. HR have a duty in law to support you and if they don’t it’s bullying harassment and constructive dismissal. In fact your mangers E mail is pretty damming evidence already. . I sooooo regret not taking time off at least a month before she died. I was harassed and stressed and feeling rushed when I should have just sat with her for hours without any demands on me. 
my Gp signed me off for a month as he totally understood why I needed to stop. 
take care. 
M 

• Hi Sadie, I have considered going above his head as I have a good relationship with his manager but I fear it will anger my manager even further as he can act like a child when anyone shows him up. I also fear retaliation as if I'm off part time or even sick leave it'll be determental to the team however, my sanity is literally hanging by a thread so I feel I do need to take sick leave for a couple of weeks as I'm really struggling. My role is quite stressful which is excabated by my manager and I have conidereing looking else were as I'm no longer like my job. I do have several hobbies which I've neglected so will hopefully find time to practice those and spend more time making memories with my mother. Thank you xx

Hi M, I'm definitely going to take some time off. I do feel regret at leaving colleagues in the learch but looking after my mother and my own mental health are far more important. His email is quite damming and I should have taken a picture of it as proof but I was so upset I couldn't think straight. I really do wish companies would realise just how stressful looking after someone with cancer can be, I thought I could do it all but I can't and something needs to give. Xx

Not sure if you’ve tried but ACAS may be able to help or offer advice….you dint need to be a union member or anything and it’s free, maybe worth a phone call 03001231100

good luck

Can you access your email from home ?make a copy, or a friend at work could print it off for you maybe 

Sorry to hear you are going through this at this worrying time. A couple years ago I was going through the same at work. On my first day back of being off with anxiety because my hubby was diagnosed with 3 cancers, my manager gave me a written warning  rang hr, they just said if job is to stressful maybe find something else less stressful. Really thoughtful. I then decided to go on bank work down there and go in when it suits me, also I can go to his appointments. Got another job on bank somewhere else and it tends to work well at the moment. Take care.