My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January, by the time they discovered the cancer it had spread to the liver too. He had his first surgery where they removed 85% of his pancreas and his spleen and last week he had his second surgery where they removed 60% of his liver and his gall bladder. He is still in hospital and is really down. I'm trying my best to cheer him up and keep his spirits high. I live abroad so I have no family support. We have twins, a girl and a boy, aged 12. Our son is really testing me and throws tantrums at the drop of a hat, my daughter has really matured and it seems like she is holding everything together. I go to work and then straight after work I go to the hospital, as COVID is high the hospital is very strict with visiting hours. After the hospital I go home and deal with the children and general home chores. I've been coping ok, but last night I just lost it, I ended up losing it completely with my son and then since then, I just feel like I'm losing control. I want to just scream. I can't see an end in sight, the cancer he has has a very strong possibility of returning, I feel we will get through this then there will be something else.
Hi sad.com
I hear you. I am so sorry to hear what you and your husband are going through. It's not easy being the "carer", the wife, the employee, the mummy and yourself. Don't beat yourself up about losing. I'd put money on it at some point most folk in the group have lost it. I know I did recently - big style!
My story is slightly different- my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour last Sept. At the time Covid restrictions locally meant zero hospital visiting while he was in for his surgery and a few days later when he was re-admitted for an infection/swelling on the brain. Trust me - not seeing them is worse! Twice I had to walk out of the hospital not knowing if or when I'd see him again. He's stubborn though and is doing well for now.
My kids are older (23 and 21) but they can still throw a strop too. You're all going through a tough journey. You're all trying to cope in your own wee way and at heart, you're all doing your best.
Not sure this message has helped but know this group, me included, are here to listen. Vent away! The most resilient people are the ones who can show the emotions and get it out your system and all of these emotions are perfectly normal.
Hang in there. Stay strong.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Hi sad.com
Our biggest gotcha with our son was when we drove to the hospital to introduce him to some support from Maggies and as we drove on to the hospital he asked "have we come to leave mummy here?" - hearts thoroughly broken.
Now whenever we go to the hospital we ask Michael how he is feeling - it he is ok and mostly he is fairly open.
Given covid and home schooling at all the rest it is really unsurprising that everyone is on breaking point. I did a living with less stress course that really helped me and at one point my GP prescribed eco-therapy - just going for a walk.
You are of course right in the future there will be something else - but sometimes that might just be something good.
I don't know if any of the tips in Talking to children and teenagers might be helpful.
Most of all though - remember to look after yourself - that was perhaps my hardest lesson.
<<hugs>>
Steve
