Hi there,
To give some background, my mum was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer 4 years ago. She had chemo, radiotherapy and surgery yet a year ago, we had the worst news possible. It was back with a vengeance. She was re diagnosed beginning of last year with metastatic breast cancer and it has since spread to her bones, lungs and brain. She has cancer spots everywhere in her body and 21 tumours in her brain.
Me and my partner moved in with my mum and step dad to help as much as possible as they also had my 4 year old sister to look after. Three months ago, we discovered that my step dad had gotten deep into drug and alcohol dependency. We tried our hardest to help however it was quite difficult with a terminally ill mum and a 4 year old running around. He decided to walk out and leave us. He moved out and is in denial about his drug and alcohol addiction. He sees his daughter (my little sister) about once a week for an hour or so. He has been horrendous to deal with since he left. He doesn't have any drive to see her, we are constantly pushing him to see her.
As you can imagine, my mum went into a deep depression and has since been on anti depressants which she has said has helped greatly. I am trying my hardest to do everything I can. Because of the situation, I will become my little sisters main guardian.
My mum has these terrible mood swings sometimes and I'm struggling to stay strong. Any small thing can trigger it and then she won't talk to me, won't accept any help, makes snide comments, she's even once told me she wants me to move out because I don't do a good enough job taking care of her. However the day before she could be singing my praises about how much I've helped her and how she couldn't do this without me etc. I feel like I'm constantly on egg shells, I feel like I can't relax as I'm scared it will trigger her into a episode but when I don't relax, she tells me I'm doing to much and she feels guilty. Its like a horrible roller coaster ride where the good times are amazing and we have so much joy, love and laughter but the lows are so dark and depressing. I feel like my precious time with my mum is being tainted.
I also feel like I have no one to turn to other than my partner and I feel so great full for him standing by me through everything but its not fair on him. He still works full time and is always nervous to come home as he doesn't know what hes going to have to face. He's away from his family due to covid and I feel so guilty having brought him into this situation. His dad was also diagnosed with esophagus cancer 5 years ago.
Sometimes I feel like people don't understand that I have put my whole life on standby to care for my mum and sister. My whole life has been flipped upside down. I went from being care free 24 year old working at my career and planning my future and now my life has been changed drastically and my future has changed, im now going to have the responsibility of my little sister for the next 18+ years.
I honestly feel like if it wasn't for my partner and sister I wouldn't be here anymore. Im a huge empath so when mum goes through these mood swings, I can't help but absorb all her negative energy and it just weighs me down and every time its a little more difficult to get up.
Sorry for the rant, I just needed to put it into the universe. Any shared experience or advice would be so appreciated.
Love to you all x
