Accessing help or counselling

HI Budge13. Not sure what worried me more - your post or the fact no one else has reached out since you posted. I'm no expert but I think the key thing here is that you've recognised that something doesn't feel right. Perhaps the best place to start is by talking to your GP. He/she is best placed to advise on what support is available in your local area. Yes, there are all sorts of relaxation/meditation/mindfulness self-help things available online but it sounds like you need to talk to a "someone".

Hang in there. Big hugs

xx

Hi budge13, if you need to talk to someone our helpline 0808 808 00 00 is open 7 days a week, 8am-8pm. They will almost certainly know of all the support options available in your area and especially anything that is tailored to the experience you are going through.

One thing that really helps me is my local Maggies and the living with less stress course I did with them has paid all sorts of dividends. From what you say I wonder if you had some kind of training in the past with the quite room and deep breathing - it is one of the things we learnt on the course as part of a suite of tools that can help.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks for replying Wee me, I’ve done one of the e-consult  things online so should get a reply by tonight. 

Thanks again....Budge

Hi, no, I’ve had no training, just years of experience dealing with stressed students and clients. Just a new unpleasant experience for me personally. Hopefully now I’ve contacted doctors I’m heading in right direction. There isn’t Maggie in the SW but I’ll perhaps contact Force, thanks for your help.

Budge 

Hi Budge, the one thing i found helpful over the years is yoga nidra. There are free apps available, the Yoga nidra lite (with a sunflower picture) is pretty good.

Hi 747, I’ll have a look at it now, I need something. GP gave me a prescription for my ears, when I mentioned I think I’ll need a counsellor next, she pointed to my granddaughter 4.8 years and said you don’t need that, you have a fun machine. 

On reflection, maybe I need another doctor. 

Maybe indeed you need a more sympathetic GP. I believe some do exist, but if you have a GP that actually sees you, stick with them: i have not seen mine since March and for all they know i might well be purple with green spots all over by now.

In my experience (and in line with NICE guidance), GPs try to get you to have cbt first before offering medication. The snag is whether you can actually ‘score’ high enough to qualify depending on your council waiting list. 

 A good ‘talking’ counsellor is a great thing to offload all the stuff you cannot tell friends snd family, but all the phone support lines offer the possibility to offload in the meantime.

Nothing really matches ‘real’ people though. I am myself sorely tempted to put a small ad at the chemist to find local people in the same situation as i who might fancy going for distanced walks in the park.

I also find repetitive action soothing (be it exercise or manual work) and distraction.

On a practical note, other things that help with overwhelming feelings are looking up to the sky when wanting to cry. If panic strikes, flick the base of your thumb with the fingers of your other hand or snap a rubber band/hairband against your wrist.  Or tap a part of your body (a hard part works better) and state out loud ‘i am feeling xyz but i will be ok/i will cope’. If you are feeling brave, chewing a bit of chilli can also ‘snap’ you out of it (or make you swear and dance on the spot). 

The more often you do those, even when just a tiny bit stressed (and yoga nidra or breathing techniques) the more automatic they are when needed. None of them fix the situation though, it remains bad and you will still need more support than deep breathing. However we will all get through it, wobbles and freak outs are allowed on the way.

You should also get your GP to give you regular check ups (blood tests included) as some stuff like low vitamin D or hypothyroidism can undermine your ability to cope. So would not eating at regular times, etc. You mention being given something for your ears, was that after your ear ringing and panic event? 

Yes, I haven’t got the prescription as yet, got to pick it up at pharmacy later, doctor said give it 7 days. The panic feeling lasted 30-40 mins, I haven’t had it since, I just keep pushing away the thoughts of what I know is coming. I actually take a vitamin d supplement so that shouldn’t be the reason. I think generally I’m a very cool, calm, rational person but trying to accept the fact my husband isn’t going to make it, can’t believe it but know it’s inevitable. 

Actually, after phone call yesterday saying they’ve stopped his next treatment and to come into hospital on 9th Nov for face to face results of scan, for me, means it hasn’t worked, yet another plan, hubby thinks they’re giving him a week off after blood clot scare.

Thank you for all your advice, I know you’re going through it too. I lost my brother to pancreatic 11 years ago. How are you?

To put it bluntly i am doing badly. All the relaxation, self care, counselling in the world is not going to change that this situation is awful and not helped by the covid issue and isolation.

I know that long term i will be fine, time is a healer etc... but yes i wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, hoping it is panic and not a heart attack, etc

I think that even though rationally i guess i know i will cope (don’t we all? The human race would be long gone if we did not), i do not ‘feel’ it.

Meanwhile we keep going 

Yes, you’re right nothing will make it better, I struggle all the time, can’t imagine my life without him in it, I met him when I was 22 ,we’ve been married 45 years, a good happy life until just before Christmas 2018.

I don’t think I’ll cope, but I’ll think about that another day, it’s too hard to contemplate.

Hang in there darling......Budge x