Suffering with PTSD a few years on?

FormerMember over 4 years ago

1 reply
37 subscribers
677 views

Hi everyone,

When I was 21 years old my mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, this was in 2016. I was going into my final year of my degree so I had a lot on my plate but I became the primary carer for my mum as she is single so there is no husband/partner around to help. I have a younger brother who didn't take the diagnosis well so spent a lot of time away from the house leaving me to care for my mum single handedly. I gave up my part time job to devote all my time to helping her get better.

She went through an awful lot in that year. A mastectomy, lymph clearance, 6 cycles of chemo, sepsis twice, hysterectomy, radiotherapy... I was there throughout every moment. I administered all of her medication including her Neulasta injection after every chemo which I found very difficult to do as I didn't want to hurt my mum. I would often find her collapsed in the bathroom from extreme pain and several times I had to rush her to hospital with sepsis after an infection post-surgery. I was on high alert constantly during her treatment, in a state of constant anxiety. I was absolutely certain she was going to die.

We are several years on now. My mum has gone back to work and is seemingly positive, happy and recovered relatively well. Mentally she seems strong and gets on with life. I feel totally and utterly scarred from the experience. I often get flash backs to some very dark times. I live in fear of her cancer coming back and not being able to cope. I find thinking or talking about what we went through together very hard to deal with. Little things trigger me off such as the antibacterial gel I religiously used during her chemo to keep her safe - at the moment smelling it just takes me back to that heightened state of anxiety and the feeling I had at the time. I've looked at symptoms of PTSD and I think I tick all the boxes. I just wanted to see if anyone else might have felt in a similar way to me? I feel silly sometimes because my mum has moved on but I still suffer greatly from what happened.

Any advice or if you have experienced something similar it would be so good to hear from you and talk.

Thank you, stay safe x

LoobyLou49 over 4 years ago

Hi , I feel for you. My mother had cancer when I was 6 and lived until she was 57. I had to do a lot too, as a young child and in my teenage years, but when her death came it was sudden and unexpected. Like you, I felt 'silly' and didn't ask for help. It took me twenty five years to get over the PTSD, and I can verify that flashbacks and PTSD do, as you say, entail 'some very dark times', so I would urge you to get some treatment. You've reached out here and that was very courageous and you're a strong person or you couldn't have lasted this long. Don't wait, get on the phone to your GP for an appointment so s/he knows what you're going through, they need to know. There's plenty of therapy available even if only online and if you can afford to get therapy (if not ask for NHS counselling, it's just as good but often involves a wait) please do so as soon as you can. And talk to us when you need us, and call the helpline on 0808 808 0000 if you'd like to chat. They are experienced, caring experts who can help if you need them. You've been a wonderful support to your mum. Time to look after you.

Love and hugs,

LoobyLou
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Suffering with PTSD a few years on?