Hi There
I have read a few of the post on here and like so many never thought I would need to utilize this platform. Everyone seems very kind and supportive so I thought I would reach out.
My Mum is in a really bad way. In 2016 she got diagnosed with breast cancer which was treated, and we thought she had beaten. June of this year she was diagnosed with brain cancer which migrated from the breast. The cancer is also in her lymph nodes.
She had the major tumor removed but since then she has become extremely fatigued. She also had some other issues which required her to take more drugs. As she has got worse, she doesn’t want to eat, drinks hardly anything and refuses to sometimes take her medication as she feels sick. She also continuously retches and tries to be sick if you manage to get her to eat and if you mention food, she does the same. This is so hard to watch and listen to; her hair has also now come out due to the radio therapy and I really hate to see her look so poorly. I really try not to cry.
As she is not eating and drinking, she has become extremely week and now cannot get up the stairs. She went back into hospital Monday as she was screaming about the pain in her leg. The doctors want to do further MRI scans as they think the brain tumors may have spread.
I moved home to my Mum and Dads after finding out my now ex-husband was having an affair two years ago and my sister came back from working abroad due to the Covid situation. So, Mum has all of us at home but we are not coping with her reluctance to let us help her. I work full time and have a boyfriend who is very supportive, but I don’t want this to get the better of our relationship as selfish as that sounds. Mum will shout at me you are never here to care for me however I am home Sunday to Friday and work from home Tuesdays. My Dad was furloughed but is now back at work two days a week working from home an occasionally he must go to the office, so I work from home the days he is out. Dad is not a very emotional man and Mum is now very verbally abusive towards him in person and via text when she is in the hospital and it’s just crushing him, I want him to talk to someone, but he won’t. My sister is also at home full time which she is hating it, and she won’t speak to anyone either, so I listen to them both.
None of the healthcare people seem to ask us what we need or if we are ok. Mum is refusing a bed downstairs, but I just don’t know how we will cope when she comes home if we don’t have one. I am hoping the palliative care team will convince her it's what will really help.
She listens to healthcare professionals but not us, she mostly just sits and plays cards on her Ipad all day, any conversation is one sided, I assume this is normal as she clearly is desperately unhappy and I love her so much and it's so hard to see her this way and I feel so helpless, we all do.
Are there other people out there who are finding it hard when their loved one doesn’t want to take medication, eat or drink and as a carer are left feeling so useless? I know it’s the cancer which makes her say hurtful things but sometimes it's hard to get past. Has anyone got any advice?
