Caring is tough and sometimes feel alone

Hey Carter31,

I think everybody that is or has been a carer has, at one time or another, felt exactly what you've described.

I hear what you're saying about holidays. My late wife, Margaret, found the only holidays she could mostly enjoy were cruises as we (that's the royal "we") could unpack once and she could then rest, sleep or socialize as much or as little as she felt up to. For myself, I viewed each and every cruise as an opportunity to do the same things that I always did, just in a more exotic location, whilst trying to predict all the marvellous ship-based trip hazards and potential issues could arise.

Carer burn-out is the shadow you can see behind every single carer. If you aren't burnt out, you're running in fear of burning out.

Whenever I felt it was all too much, I'd take 10 minutes at the end of the day and, rather than worrying about all the things I hadn't gotten done or all the things I had to do tomorrow, I'd write out a list of all the things I did to care for Marg that day. The more that little list grew, the better I felt about myself.

You need to find a way to give yourself some time every day, even if it's only 5 or 10 minutes. You should check with Macmillans (assuming you're in the UK) as to what support services are available to you. I'm in Australia so the range of services available to us are very different to what may be available to you.

Hang in there mate.

Peace,
Ewen :-)

At the end of your journey, the sun will still rise.
As will you.

Hi , what you're feeling is perfectly normal and not selfish at all. You say you 'feel like escaping'. I should think after 12 years you need to escape for a while for the sake of your own sanity. If you're caring for her 35 hours a week or more, you're entitled to Carers Allowance. If your mum has been referred to Macmillan (if not ask the GP to refer her as it opens up a lot more support) there is the Buddy Scheme where someone could sit with your mum while you have a break. Maggie's Centres run brilliant courses to help carers with stress and the Macmillan helpline, on 0808 808 0000, is manned by experts who can provide a lot of advice. It would also be worthwhile asking her GP to refer her to the local hospice; they can provide a lot of help in the home and respite care. I hope you find some of this useful; all carers need some back-up care even if only occasional.

LoobyLou